Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Machiavellian dating

On this morning's train ride to work I sat next to two women who were discussing their love lives. One of them had her eye on a specific man in her social circle, but he was married. The woman had decided to befriend the man's wife to, "Find out what's wrong so I can exploit it." After a few months hanging out with the wife and "Getting their kids used to me being around," she had learned, "His wife uses sex to control him. She locks her legs whenever she wants something. Makes fun of his performance, always tearing him down about it. She's proud of yawning during sex just to make him feel bad."

"Is he a bad lay?" her friend on the train asked.

"That's the sick part. She says he's good in bed. She wants to make him feel grateful when they do it and not have to do any of the work. "


"I'm going for it the next time she's holding out. Summer's coming and she says she always keeps him waiting to get the vacation she wants. A woman turns down her man enough he's not going to stop asking, he's just going to stop asking HER. All I have to do is pursue him a little and he's all mine. I think I can get her to cheat on him before I seduce him. That'll take care of any guilt he might have about leaving her and give him an edge in the divorce."

They chatted for a few more minutes about the other woman's prospects, but she clearly preferred going after single men who didn't require a months long plan to figure out how to sabotage a marriage. They had shifted to a discussion of the weather by the time they got off the train.

Friday, October 5, 2018

Raspberry Cayenne Brownies

This recipe is from a family friend. It's a popular favorite at the hot food themed parties they host. I once brought them into the office at a former job. I sliced them up and carefully labeled them "Raspberry Cayenne Brownies." I later learned that one of my coworkers had taken a bite, spat it out, and thrown the rest of the brownie across the kitchen.

"That's disgusting," I'm told she yelled. "Did someone put pepper in those brownies?"

"Yes," came the reply. "That would be the 'Cayenne' on the label."

"I thought that was a joke. Who the **** puts Cayenne in a brownie?"

I do. I put Cayenne in a brownie.

The Cayenne will start losing its bite after a couple days. As a result the brownies are best eaten within two days.

  • 2 packages Betty Crocker Fudge Brownie Mix
  • 4 eggs
  • 1c Corn Oil
  • 1/2 c Water
  • 2 packages Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Chips
  • 10 oz     seedless raspberry preserves
  • 1/2 c Dark Rum
  • 2 tsp Cayenne Pepper

  1. Pour Rum and Preserves into a Pyrex dish and Microwave for 8 minutes. Vent and stir every 30 seconds.   
  2. Mix in Cayenne and allow to cool   
  3. Mix Batter per recipe on box.
  4. Add 1 bag of chocolate chips
  5. Grease 13x9 pan and pour 2/3 of the batter into the pan.
  6. Pour Raspberry Sauce on top
  7. Add remaining batter on top and swirl.
  8. Sprinkle 2nd bag of chips on top.
  9. Bake at 325ยบ for 50 minutes or until a skewer comes out mostly clean.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

It was her "Moist."

We recently had a bit of a kerfuffle at work over a projector having technical difficulties. This reminded me of a past job where the comptroller got the word “dongle” banned from the office. You couldn't say it. You couldn't email it. She said it “sounded dirty.”

This caused a problem for the sales staff when she refused to process purchase orders for anything with the word “dongle” on it. The sales guys ended up purchasing dongles for their equipment on their own dime and then burying the cost in expense reports for business trips.

The network administrator we had at the time realized he could use this to push through all sorts of purchases by claiming that “All the cheaper options use, well, THOSE things.” 

This went on for a few months until the owner found out that computer equipment he considered "excessive" was being approved by his drinking buddy comptroller. Once the details came to light, he ordered her to "Stop clutching your pearls and get used to the word." After that the ban on "dongle" was lifted.

Sadly, this also meant hardware purchases returned to being approved based on being the cheapest possible option that meets at least one of the criteria on the "Minimum System Requirements" instead of something that would actually work.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Epic Smack-down is epic

I got some entertainment with this morning's train ride. A thin woman with long blond hair was seated, her chin in her hand. She was obviously grumpy and groggy, a natural state to be in on a Monday morning. Her body language said, "Nobody but a long-lost best friend long thought dead should even think about approaching me." Standing next to her, looming over her and invading her personal space, was a guy trying to chat her up like they were at a bar on "horny co-eds only" night.

She looked up at him and GLARED. We're talking a glare that would have made a single Donal Trump put away the tic-tacks and tuck his tail between his legs and slink off. The Fonz would have apologized for bothering her and walked away. Bling-Bling from Johnny Test would have run to his mad scientist brigade to have them create a new cream for the burn he'd just gotten. Not this guy, He was either too clueless or too arrogant to get the, well, "Hint" isn't the right word for a clue delivered with a metaphorical mallet. He persisted.

She took off a glove and extended her pointer finger. On the back of the finger was a tattoo of the universal "Female" symbol. He kept trying to look around her hand to keep talking to her. He finally processed the symbol on her finger and got a lascivious "Oh yeah," look on his face, complete with an eyebrow waggle.

She, still glaring, shook her head and pointed at the tattoo with her other hand. She then shoved her hand in his face to where she was almost touching his nose.

The nickel dropped for the nit-wit, and he scampered off the train at the next stop. She put her glove back on and resumed her previous position.

Naturally, I wanted to give her kudos but, seeing as how the entire exchange had been about how she wanted to be left alone, I kept to myself.