From: "Robin M. Weare"
To: "Matthew Miller"
Subject: Suggested punishments
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 1999 18:46:03 -0800
I'm tempted to take issue with a couple of your punishments, but instead,
here's a few additions regarding offenses that really get under my hide...
1. SEXUAL HARASSMENT: First convicted offense, ten years working as an
employee of Leona Helmsley. Second offense, ten years in prison with a
large (at least 250 pounds), muscular bisexual cellmate. Third convicted
offense, chemical castration.
2. KNOWINGLY PURSUING FALSE CHARGES OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT: ten years in
prison as cellmate of convicted sexual harasser. (Contraceptive measures
mandatory, of course -- wouldn't want 'em to start breeding.)
3. DELIBERATELY STARTING USENET THREAD SUCH AS "IS SOCIALISM NAZIISM?"
OR "SOCIALISM = NAZIISM": First convicted offense: automatic death
penalty. This is a particular pet peeve of mine, and enacting this will
help to both clean up Usenet and the human gene pool. I offered free
space on my home page for any candidate that would adopt this as part
of his platform during the last election, but no one bit.
4. TROLLING OR SPAMMING USENET NEWSGROUPS, PARTICULARLY MEMBERSHIP
IN KNOWN TROLLING GROUPS SUCH AS THE ARMY OF MEOW OR THE HELL FLAME
WARS GANGS: First offense, public flogging, with ten blows for each
repetition of the offense (each newsgroup spammed counts as another
repetition). Second offense, twenty blows for each, spaced over
monthly sessions as necessary. Third offense, amputation of fingers
to prevent use of keyboard. For actual membership in a troll gang,
amputation of fingers on first offense, along with amputation of
tongue to ensure that speech-recognition software cannot be used
either, with a death penalty for the second offense.