Wednesday, August 7, 2002

Chemical Contamination Endangers East Coast

The Massachusetts Water supply has been found to contain dihydrogen monoxide.

This acid can cause corrosion in a variety of substances, irreversibly damaging wood, paint, metal and most structural components.

Prolonged human exposure can cause loss of skin oils, discomfort, encourage bacterial infection and in some extreme cases, death.

In pure form, it is clear, odorless and tasteless.

Numerous organisms, many harmful to humans, thrive on this chemical.

This chemical also damages electrical components and destroys paper products.

Thousands of deaths a year can be attributed both directly and indirectly to dihydrogen monoxide. One recent, and spectacular death, involved an unfortunate man who handled electrical components that had come into contact with dihydrogen monoxide. While electrocution was the direct cause of death, the electrical device would have posed no threat if the dihydrogen monoxide had not destroyed the device's insulation.

Presence of dihydrogen monoxide in the lungs prevents the absorption of Oxygen, and results in death.

There has even been one case reported where excessive quantities of dihydrogen monoxide caused electrolytes to be flushed from the body, resulting in death. This however, appears to be a suicide.

Dihydrogen monoxide intake can be correlated with an increased need to urinate as the chemical is flushed from the body.

Recent studies have revealed that most Americans have large deposits of dihydrogen monoxide in their bodies.

Withdrawal from dihydrogen monoxide intake is generally fatal.

It's production and distribution is legal and unregulated aside from rudimentary purity laws.

Please take the appropriate precautions.

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