Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Open Letter to the moron who banned Five Wives Vodka

An petty, small minded control freak has banned the sale of Five wives Vodka in the state of Idaho. Reports vary as to the reason. Some claim it's because the label might offend Mormons. Howard Wasserstein, The Juice Bag who banned it, has since claimed that the use of women from a risque vaudeville act were the reason for the ban. This raises questions about his familiarity with the use of sex in liquor sales. Does he do his job with his head in a bucket, or is it merely so far up his rear he can taste his own Brylcreem? The Utah distillery has hired a lawyer to challenge the prudish ban. This is the offending label:

This was my letter to the blithering idiot who banned the Vodka.

date: Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 1:42 PM
subject: Five Wives Vodka

Mr. Wasserstein,

I want to thank you for banning Five Wives Vodka in Idaho. Were you not such a petty, small minded, control freak, I'd have never heard of it. I had to do some digging but I found some and gave it a try. Your claim that it's not good enough to sit on the shelf beside Absolute is complete rubbish, showing you are not only a prude but incompetent when it comes do discerning the relative quality of different vodkas.

I am particularly amused by your claim that the label would be offensive to the majority of the population because the source of the image on the label is an obscure Vaudeville act. How many people would have recognized the label in the first place, in order to BE offended?

You are a first class ass, but your rank incompetence and terror of the opposite sex have introduced me to a very fine Vodka. For that, I thank you.

Matthew Miller

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