Koala story

Just a bit of silliness circulating the web.

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint.

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'




The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that while trying to drink he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest. He found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,


'Hey you!'

The koala looked down at him and said,

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink!?'

The "Smoking Tooth"

There's a video out there called the "Smoking Tooth" video, depicting a lot of vapor rising from a recently extracted tooth that contained a silver filling. Silver fillings contain trace amounts of mercury. The video claims that the vapor rising from the filling is mercury. There's one small problem with this claim.

Mercury vapor is heaver than air.

If mercury was indeed coming off that tooth as vapor, the vapor would be FALLING not rising. Whatever is coming off that tooth, it's not mercury vapor. Anyone with dental training would have received enough basic science education to know this.

Why then is the narration in the video talking about mercury, when basic chemistry tells us that the vapor RISING from the tooth can't be mercury vapor? Is this a deliberate fabrication, or mere scientific illiteracy and incompetence? Is IAOMT, the distributors of the video, engaging in deliberate fraud, or merely displaying fundamental ignorance of the materials involved?

In short is the IAOMT lying or just plain stupid?

You can check out Mercury Fillings: A Mouthful of Death! by Skeptoid for more details, including the rather shocking fact that a chemist was involved in the production of the video! I shudder to think about the quality of work coming from a chemist who doesn't know mercury vapor would fall in air. You'd think if it was a deliberate fake he'd at least know to have falling vapor!

A Few Notes About Homeopathy

A while back I posted "Scam artists Offer Fake Flu "Immunization" and it's legal." and it, like most the content on my blog, languished in obscurity. Then a true believer in homeopathy posted a rather comical reply where they tried to defend a methodology based on 200 year old misinformation about the human body. I started writing a response and it grew into the post below.

Defining Terms

"Medicine" can be broadly divided into two categories. Science based and mythology based.

Science based medicine, also known as evidence based medicine, relies upon research, clinical trials and the overall advancement of knowledge to progress. Treatments and recommendations change over time as we learn more about the human body and the cause of disease. A few hundred years ago if you went to a doctor with a digestive complaint you were likely to be told that your humors were out of balance. Today your doctor is able to examine you, talk to you about your symptoms, run tests when necessary and prescribe a personalized treatment program based upon about 100 years of modern medicine. Modern medicine is far more likely to actually work.

The advances of science based medicine can be clearly demonstrated by comparing the infant mortality rates and overall health of, for example, stone age tribes in undeveloped portions of the modern world to the average citizens of France, Japan or the USA. Modern medicine makes us healthier. Brian Dunning goes into more detail on Skeptoid in "Natural Hygiene: Health Without Medicine (or Wisdom)"

Mythology based medicine however is a bit different. At some point some kook comes up with a set of rules and treatments. Those "treatments" are then passed on with little to no modification. One easy way to spot a mythology based medicine is that it changes very little, if at all, when new information is introduced.

Homeopathy is one of those sad, pathetic remnants of the days when little accurate information was known about the human body. I could go into a long discussion about what homeopathy is and how it differs from herbal or science based medicine but more articulate people have already done that for me:

Podcasts, web sites and videos where you can learn more:

James Randi explains the history, theory and the "4 rules of homeopathy" part 1

James Randi explains the history, theory and the "4 rules of homeopathy" part 2

Here be Dragons, an introduction to critical thinking

James Randi takes on "Head-On" the homeopathic headache "treatment."

QuackCast 3. Homeopathic Theory Of all the kinds of alt.med available, Homeopathy has to be the most retarded. And thats saying something. Listen and see why.

QuackCast 4. Homeopathy Clinical Trials. Clinical trials of homeopathy are of poor quality and treat self limited diseases. The better the study, the less well homeopathy does. In the best meta analysis to date, it is concluded that homeopathy doesn't work. Duh.

QuackCast 12. How to Identify Quackery and Homeopathic Horrors. Seven rules of thumb to identify quackery, with examples. Also more on the potential dangers of homeopathy.

The Skeptics dictionary definition of Homeopathy

Homeopathy: Pure Water or Pure Nonsense?Most homeopathy users believe that it's some kind of herbal remedy. Is it?

What's the harm in homeopathy?
Homeopathy is a practice created by Samuel Hahnemann that believes that incredibly minute quantities of substances dissolved in water can have powerful effects. Here are 437 people who were harmed by someone not thinking critically.

Homeopathy: The Ultimate Fake Homeopathic "remedies" enjoy a unique status in the health marketplace: They are the only category of quack products legally marketable as drugs. This situation is the result of two circumstances. First, the 1938 Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, which was shepherded through Congress by a homeopathic physician who was a senator, recognizes as drugs all substances included in the Homeopathic Pharmacopeia of the United States. Second, the FDA has not held homeopathic products to the same standards as other drugs. Today they are marketed in health-food stores, in pharmacies, in practitioner offices, by multilevel distributors, through the mail, and on the Internet.

This of course is jut the tip of the iceberg.

Searching for the Research

I've spent a good deal of time trying to find a homeopathy study that met the following criteria:

1. Double or triple blind
2. Placebo controlled
3. Had a large sample size
4. Showed an effect larger than placebo and the study's margin of error.
5. An objective measurement of clinical effectiveness, as opposed to a subjective one.
6. Rigorous methodology.

I haven't found any.

I've found a lot of garbage. I found small pilot studies of less than 50 people. I saw "positive results" that were so small that the study's margin of error made them indistinguishable from placebo. The simple fact is the more competently conducted the study, the smaller the result gets for homeopathy.

Now, Rene David can call me "simply ignorant" until the cows come home, but that won't change the fact that I have actual science on my side and Rene is relying upon mythology and anecdotes. I have the facts, Rene has wishful thinking and a misguided faith in nonsense. I'd love it if Rene could provide me with a few studies that met the six criteria I outlined above. In the past I've asked homeopaths for actual research that indicated efficacy. What I got were the titles of dozens of small studies showing tiny effects, none of which met the criteria I'd requested.

Where Zicam fits in

The closest anyone came was to mention Zicam, which is a "2C" dilution. The "2" means it's been diluted twice. The "C" means each dilution was 1 part source material to ten parts water. A 1C dilution would therefore be a 10% solution and a 2C dilution would be 1%. As a point of reference Household bleach is a 5.25% dilution of sodium hypochlorite (NaOCI) and a few tablespoons of that is enough to kill the bacteria in 5 gallons of water. Depending on the compound, 1% can be well in the range of a clinical dosage. Calling Zicam a homeopathic remedy is pure marketing.

The more common "X" designation on homeopathic remedies means it was diluted to 1 part per 100. this means a 1X dilution is a 1% solution. By the time you get to the 30X and 200X dilutions used for many homeopathic remedies, you could drink an entire Olympic swimming pool of the "treatment" and never encounter a single molecule of the original ingredient. The Mentalist James Randi will often start demonstrations by taking and entire bottle of homeopathic sleeping pills.

Conclusion

The bottom line is, homeopathy is bunk. The people claiming otherwise are relying upon shoddy "research" and outdated fantasies about how the human body works. I'm sure most homeopaths are convinced that there's actual science behind their cute little mythology. I suspect most of them are sincere in placing 200 year old misinformation ahead of modern medicine. That doesn't change the fact that they're wrong. Homeopathy is, at best, a placebo. Relying upon a placebo in place of actual medicine can kill you.

Crocodile Poo as a Topical Contraceptive

I was participating in an online discussion about an "alternative therapy" for which there's no actual evidence of efficacy. In short, the sellers make wild claims but have no proof of those claims. One person in the forum posted the following as part of their defense of the unproven:

"I find it interesting that so many people are willing to poo-poo something with which they have no experience. Have they actually tried the water and determined that there are no effects or benefits? If they opened their mind enough to get past their prejudice, they might discover life changing enlightenment."

My response:

I could use the same logic to ridicule others for not using crocodile poo as a topical contraceptive. The Ancient Egyptians used it as a contraceptive AND as an anapestic on woulds. How can you ridicule it? Have you spoken to the people who use crocodile poo as a topical contraceptive? You have NO experience with it, so you have NO right to question it!

Clinical evidence? Bah. Who needs clinical proof when I can produce a stack of testimonials from people who did NOT get pregnant when they speared crocodile poo on their genitals before intercourse.

There's a whole list of compounds in crocodile poo that will kill sperm and it's all natural to boot! Who CARES if the arguments made in defense of this therapy are easily dismantled with a few minutes of research and a rudimentary understanding of biology and chemistry? The arguments SOUND scientific and plenty of folks who don't understand chemistry believe them! The very POPULARITY I claim for CrocPoo(tm) contraceptive cream is proof enough that it works, right?

I'm now tempted to create a web site for CrockPoo Contraceptive and use it to parody the ramblings of the ignorant and deluded who are promoting or buying quack remedies.

A Few Notes on Water Powered Cars

Let's walk through a quick example of a water powered car.

Let's say you start with 100 Newtons of energy in the battery.

You use that energy to perform electrolysis on water. Let's be wildly optimistic and say you only lose 10% of the energy to heat, noise and friction. That leaves you with 90 Newtons of energy in the form of Hydrogen.

You then use the Hydrogen to power an internal combustion engine. There's isn't some magical way to burn hydrogen that's "better" than internal combustion, even though some water powered car proponents seem to forget this. Again, we'll make wildly optimistic assumptions and assume you only lose 10% of the energy in both powering the car AND recharging the battery. This leaves you with 81 Newtons of Energy in the battery.

On the next cycle, you only have 81 of the original 100 Newtons to work with. This means you'll be able to produce less hydrogen.

Keep in mind, energy is used by moving the car. Even if you found some magical zero loss way to convert the electricity into hydrogen and then combust the hydrogen, you still lose energy in the process of moving the car. That 100 Newtons of energy will get whittled down and on each cycle you'll have less and less energy with which to perform electrolysis and thus less hydrogen to burn.

Water powered car proponents skirt over this simple bit of science and pretend they can magically get more energy out of burning the hydrogen than it took to separate the water in the first place. Doing so would violate one of the most fundamental laws of physics. Anyone who found a way to do this, who managed to unseat a basic principal of the cosmos like the laws of Thermodynamics would sweep away Newton and Einstein as irrelevant footnotes.

Realistically, if you have a charged battery, it makes more sense to drive the engine directly. This allows you to use all the energy that would be lost during electrolysis and combustion.

But don't take my word for it. Popular Mechanics got their hands dirty testing some of these magical perpetual motion engines.

"The Truth About Water-Powered Cars: Mechanic's Diary"

"Water-Powered Cars: Hydrogen Electrolyzer Mod Can't Up MPGs"

"Why Water Won't Improve Your MPG: A PM and Dateline NBC Investigation"

You can also check out "The great "run your car on water" scam" for more detailed information on the con artists selling conversion kits.

Scam artists are using claims of a "Big oil conspiracy" to get people to buy plans for electrolysis devices that don't improve gas mileage. The simple fact is if these devices worked, auto manufacturers would be building them into cars as improved fuel economy is a MAJOR selling point in most markets.

Oops, that's not funny

Another item I found on the Internet.

Who am I to God?

I'd currently describe myself as vaguely protestant, ranging from moderate to liberal in my beliefs and views.

I was raised in a conservative home attending churches affiliated with the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. The 700 Club was on TV daily and my parents were members of said club. I was raised to be suspicious of charismatics, but televangelists like Pat Robertson were OK, even though Pat was a bit liberal at times. I was a Creationist and all around Conservative until College. I even listened to Rush Limbaugh and taped his TV show when it was on the air.

Then that pesky corrupter "knowledge" entered my mind. For example, the more I learned about the Bible, the more I realized that vast swaths of it were never meant to be taken literally by the original authors. Actually meeting people outside the safety zone of my youth allowed me to see that the black and white morality I'd been taught was inadequate for navigating the real world. I soon found myself disgusted with the behavior of many in organized religion and it wasn't until a few years later that I started separating that disgust from my questions about theology and God. My family and I don't discuss religion anymore, not after the last shouting match about sex ed. To give you a frame of reference my Mother still thinks George W did a bang-up job.

In terms of specific dogma and beliefs, I'm still reevaluating that. I haven't really "settled in" theologically speaking. I'm not entirely sure "settling in" is a healthy thing religiously, as most people seem to act like the need to explore and learn has come to an end when they do.

Change we can beleive in

An observation about Religion and Pride

Why can't we just admit we don't know where the universe came from?

Because the unknown is frightening. It's more comfortable to assume a benevolent deity created everything as his own personal ant farm than to contemplative the prospect of an unthinking universe unconcerned with your existence.

Religion is, in many ways, the very peak of arrogance. A humanist view depicts human life as an accident, created by no one and likely unremarkable in the cosmos. If you insert God, then we're suddenly VERY IMPORTANT. We go from being the descendants of some accidental self replicating RNA to being part of the intimate design of the cosmos itself. Instead of being an offshoot of what the laws of physics happen to be we're the REASON those laws were CREATED to be the way they are.

Believing in a personal God elevates you. It makes you important instead of irrelevant. Instead of being one of the 6 or 7 BILLION creatures pretty much just like you, the most important entity in all of existence cares so deeply about you that he suffered personal agony just do you could spend eternity with him.

You can see the raw ego of religion in how the religious often describe atheists. Instead of seeing the surpassing humility of admitting "I am nothing" they convince themselves, through a grotesque parody of logic, that such an admission is somehow prideful. Insisting the universe, in all its vastness and glory, was created for you and your own kind is transmuted through this alchemical "logic" into an act of humility.

Being Christian does not preclude an honest self assessment. Pride is a major component in religion. Why do you think there are so many warnings about it in the Bible? If we are indeed the peak of creation, if intelligent life is the reason God crafted the universe, then isn't that something that can swell one's head? Doesn't that make it even MORE important for Christians, indeed most theists, to have a keen awareness of how innately arrogant our beliefs are?

Even when I was so far to the right I complained that Rush Limbaugh was a bit liberal, I saw the argument of atheism being itself arrogant to be a comically misguided thesis. Sure, you can find plenty of noteworthy atheists who are arrogant SOBs, but then most people who achieve a significant degree of fame and notoriety are equally arrogant. The problem is, theist critics assume that atheists are trying to place themselves above God, or elevate themselves to a peak position. They honestly can't understand that many atheists don't place ANYONE at a divine level. Knocking God off the pedestal does not automatically elevate everyone else.

Personally, I blame Satan. Not a literal Satan mind you, as his material existence is irrelevant here. I blame the common interpretation of scripture and tradition that depicts Satan as a rebel who sought to unseat God and take his place. This narrative has infected the human consciousness to the point where many Christians can't even contemplate atheists without seeing them as mini-Lucifers, out to unseat God and rest their own rumps upon the divine throne. They don't understand that the statement "I see no proof of God" is not even in the same ballpark as "I AM God." Knight VII's insistence upon humanism being inherently arrogant is based, in part, upon the inability to make such distinctions.

I've heard many pastors and speakers claim that atheism is inherently prideful and arrogant. I've never heard a decent explanation of WHY they believed this to be so. The most common explanation was that atheists "want to make up their own rules," an accusation that's simply not true. I suspect many of the people using that argument are themselves so morally bankrupt that the only way they can behave civilly is with the threat of a vengeful God and violent government looming over them. They falsely, and without foundation beyond their own hearts, equate the removal of God with the dissolution of morality and base their objection to atheism upon that.

250 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG

Copypasta a friend sent me a LOOONG time ago.

1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
2. A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument.
3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
13. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
14. Ogres are not kosher.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
16. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
19. Drow are not good eating.
20. Polka is not appropriate marching music.
21. No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star Trench Run out of genre.
22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
25. The green elf does not need food badly.
26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie in Twilight 2000.
28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.
30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'
34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe Pesci.
35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to sit on the same side of the table.
37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepid mansion from the outside.
39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'
40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.
41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'
42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
43. No longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.
44. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.
45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
52. My bard does not know how to play Inna Godda Davida on marachas.
53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
54. Cannot pimp out other party members.
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
58. Expended ammunition is not a business expense.
59. Not allowed to pose the Netrunner in embarrassing positions when he's on a run.
60. Not allowed to short sheet the bedroll of impotent dieties.
61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.
62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.
64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
66. Not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except ones the party speaks.
67. There is no Kung Fu manuever "McGuire Swings For Bleachers"
68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
70. Not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink even if the target number is 5.
71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor
72. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out.
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps"
76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
77. I did not get my super powers from James T. Kirk.
78. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.
79. I am not liquid metal.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.
83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
84. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull crossbow.
85. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial strength flamethrower.
86. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the -10 penalty for a successful called shot.
87. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana.
88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
89. The elf's name is not Legolam.
90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay
91. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.
92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski.
95. I must not put the Thunder God on the spot again.
96. No making up polearms.
97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'
98. There is no such thing as Speed Polka.
99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.
100. When any character from a d20 sourcebook is allowed, that doesn't include System Lords.
101. I am not allowed to pave ANYTHING.
102. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime.
103. There is no such thing as a Club +3 of Cup Checks
104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword, +5 against party members.
105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.
106. I do not have weapon profiency in cat.
107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.
110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck.
111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
115. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device.
116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
117. I am restricted to memorizing Floating Disc only once per day.
118. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer.
119. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates.
120. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again.
121. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave Cleaning Services Inc.
122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
123. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the powergamer has point.
124. I cannot insert the words "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil" into any list of instructions.
125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
127. Not allowed to download AOL 6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe.
128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
130. I am not authorized to form the head.
131. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces.
132. There is no such feat called "Death Blossom"
133. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.
134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"
135. I cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.
136. I cannot start the 7th Sea campaign with 3 confirmed Drachen kills.
137. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.
138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
139. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot 'just play by ear'
140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
141. My maid does not know kung fu.
142. Not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugar rush just to jack up the CR later.
143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
144. There is no such thing as pleather armor.
145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.
146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
147. Hobbits are not allowed to have Norse ancestry.
148. There is no Gnomish Deathgrip, and even if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs.
149. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory.
150. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.
151. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.
152. When the guy is at -9 HP is not the best time for my cleric to convert him.
153. I will not propose to every noblewoman at the royal ball until I crit my charisma check.
154. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.
155. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.
156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
161. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy.
162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
163. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds.
164. I am not to tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career choice.
165. I am forbidden from replacing anything with folger's crystals to see if they notice.
166. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen Elvis LP collection.
167. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason.
168. I was also not recruited by 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon.
169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
170. I cannot name my character Xagyg or any anagram thereof.
171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
173. I am not allowed to recreate Veers' March of the AT-ATs on Zhentil Keep.
174. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
175. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the News.
176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
177. Stinking cloud is a privilege, not a right.
178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
179. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.
180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in Crinos.
182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
184. A starting character has no need for 100gp worth of hemp rope.
185. My bard does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl.
186. No cutting line to be a god.
187. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GM pee.
188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf.
189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
195. I cannot use a silent feat enambled power word stun and blame it on the dog.
196. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another country.
197. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin menace to his country just to stay sharp.
198. Not allowed to steal my own soul.
199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish'
200. I cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems.
201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
202. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words: Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.
203. My superhero's strength is not classified as snazzy, neato or bodacious.
204. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
208. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec de corbins.
209. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.
210. My Antipaladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuk.
211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start in a brothel.
213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
216. There is an upper limit to the number of Bozo boostergangers I can get in a Volkswagon.
217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
220. I am not the master of the low blow or the gang up.
221. If I get that Yugo up to 120mph again, that's gonna get some paradox.
222. Druids are not against my religion.
223. I cannot convince the Solo he has a cortex bomb when he really doesn't.
224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
226. Troll bubblegum...bad idea.
227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.
229. Not allowed to spontaniously check if the elf can take a punch.
230. There is no such thing as monofilament tooth floss.
231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
232. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Dr. Who in Crinos.
233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
234. My character does not get d34 HP a level.
235. My Samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate. Plural, as in more than one, two more than none.
236. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage.
237. Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look up the definition.
238. My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
239. My rockerboy cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.
243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
244. Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in 8 different languages because they forgot to take any.
245. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip joint.
246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get.
247. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am to assume he intends for me to keep it a forest.
248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
249. If a black op requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot bill the target for overtime.
250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.

AP Bombshell about Obama and student aid

Did you get this in your e-mail?

April 1, 2009

Final Nail In Obamas Lack Of US Citizenship Coffin?

AP- WASHINGTON D.C. - In a move certain to fuel the debate over Obamas qualifications for the presidency, the group Americans for Freedom of Information has released copies of President Obamas college transcripts from Occidental College. Released today, the transcript indicates that Obama, under the name Barry Soetoro, received financial aid as a foreign student from Indonesia as an undergraduate at the school. The transcript was released by Occidental College in compliance with a court order in a suit brought by the group in the Superior Court of California. The transcript shows that Obama (Soetoro) applied for financial aid and was awarded a fellowship for foreign students from the Fulbright Foundation Scholarship program. To qualify, for the scholarship, a student must claim foreign citizenship. This document would seem to provide the smoking gun that many of Obamas detractors have been seeking.

The news has created a firestorm at the White House as the release casts increasing doubt about Obamas legitimacy and qualification to serve as president. When reached for comment in London, where he has been in meetings with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Obama smiled but refused comment on the issue. Meanwhile, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs scoffed at the report stating that this was obviously another attempt by a right-wing conservative group to discredit the president and undermine the administrations efforts to move the country in a new direction.

Britain's Daily Mail has also carried the story in a front-page article titled, Obama Eligibility Questioned, leading some to speculate that the story may overshadow economic issues on Obamas first official visit to the U.K.

In a related matter, under growing pressure from several groups, Justice Antonin Scalia announced that the Supreme Court agreed on Tuesday to hear arguments concerning Obamas legal eligibility to serve as President in a case brought by Leo Donofrio of New Jersey. This lawsuit claims Obama's dual citizenship disqualified him from serving as president. Donofrios case is just one of 18 suits brought by citizens demanding proof of Obamas citizenship or qualification to serve as president.

Gary Kreep of the United States Justice Foundation has released the results of their investigation of Obamas campaign spending. This study estimates that Obama has spent upwards of $950,000 in campaign funds in the past year with eleven law firms in 12 states for legal resources to block disclosure of any of his personal records. Mr. Kreep indicated that the investigation is still ongoing but that the final report will be provided to the U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder. Mr. Holder has refused to comment on the matter.

It's a hoax. An April Fool's day hoax no less!

And once you do some fact checking it has a few "tells" intended to clue folks into it being a hoax. Below are a couple of links that go into detail about the hoax.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/occidental.asp

http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/print_has_a_smoking_gun_been_found_to.html

Obama's Birth Certificate

The debate is way past the "silly" stage, and yet more and more people are getting suckered into this comically absurd conspiracy theory.

Want to see Obama's birth certificate, including photos of the serial number and the state seal? Check out the article: The truth about Obama's birth certificate

Snopes has tackled this issue too: Claim:: A Certification of Live Birth document provided by the Obama campaign is a forgery.

USA Today ran a story about the state of Hawaii saying the certificate is genuine: Hawaii: Obama birth certificate is real

Clearly, the title of the article Obama's birth certificate: Final chapter made a foolish assumption.

Finally, Slaon.com weighs in with an article on Why the stories about Obama's birth certificate will never die

The fake rapture conspiracy nut

I was recently directed to the online ramblings of a conspiracy theory loony at their lovely page ARE YOU PREPARED IF THE ILLUMINATI STAGES A FAKE RAPTURE OF THE TRUE CHRISTIAN CHURCH?

Lovely bit of silliness, isn't it?

Allow me to extract a representative quote:

"The Illuminati now claims to have the technical capability to stage the Rapture"

Notice, no sources are given for this claim. The statement is made as if it has some kind of basis in fact, as if there was some Illuminati press agency that had made the announcement.

Teen Needs Pacemaker After 60 Line-a-Day Cocaine Habit

Teen Needs Pacemaker After 60 Line-a-Day Cocaine Habit

A teenage boy was fitted with a pacemaker after he suffered a heart attack brought on by cocaine abuse, London’s Daily Mail reported.

Tom Bertram, of Portsmouth in Hampshire, England, was spending about $330 a week on cocaine and doing 60 lines a day. Since his heart attack, the teenager told the newspaper he has learned his lesson.

“The doctors said if I took cocaine again I could die, but I’d never do that,” said Bertram, who recently turned 18. “I know I’m lucky to be alive.”

Bertram said he began experimenting with marijuana at the age of 14 and lost interest in soccer, which he used to enjoy. During his 17th birthday party, he was tempted to try cocaine, and thus began his downward spiral.

“Coke gave me such a buzz and I liked the confidence it gave me,” he said. “I never considered the risks.”

However, the “risks” left Bertram with damaged arteries, so he was fitted with a pacemaker to ensure his heart rate does not drop so low again.

You can also see a photo of the young fool who did enough coke to impress Freud.





I'm sure this has done wonders for his life expectancy.

Florida does it again

Florida is often mocked for a variety of reasons. Stories like this are among those reasons:

Police: Patient Bit Doctor's Fingertip Off After Being Denied Prescription

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Authorities say a patient at a Cape Coral doctor's office bit part of the doctor's finger off after being denied a prescription.

Cape Coral police report that 45-year-old Gregory S. Powell went to see Dr. Paul Arnold Wednesday morning, and Powell became upset about not receiving prescription medication. Police say Arnold turned his back and Powell attacked the doctor. Powell reportedly bit Arnold several times, taking off the doctor's finger tip with one bite.

The finger tip was recovered at the scene and Arnold was taken to a nearby hospital.

Police have put out a warrant for Powell's arrest on a charge of aggravated battery.

The article doesn't state what KIND of prescription was involved, but based on the violent reaction of the patient I'm inclined to suspect a narcotic of some kind was involved.

Seriously? An entire chicken? In a batch of beer? To DRINK???

Seriously? An entire chicken? In a batch of beer? To DRINK???
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Palin's Next Job?

Quiz: Were the following statements made in reaction to:

A: New Hampshire legalizing gay marriage.
B: The 1967 US Supreme Court decision legalizing interracial marriage

"This type of legal marriage must be forbidden simply because natural instinct revolts at it as wrong.”

“I believe that the tendency to classify all persons who oppose [such marriages] as ‘prejudiced’ is in itself a prejudice,” claimed a noted psychologist.

A U.S. representative from Georgia declared that allowing this type of marriage “necessarily involves (the) degradation” of conventional marriage, an institution that “deserves admiration rather than execration.”

“The next step will be (the demand for) a law allowing them, without restraint, to … have free and unrestrained social intercourse with your unmarried sons and daughters,” warned a Kentucky congressman.

“When people (like this) marry, they cannot possibly have any progeny,” wrote an appeals judge in a Missouri case. “And such a fact sufficiently justifies those laws which forbid their marriages.”

These types of marriages are “abominable,” according to Virginia law. If allowed, they would “pollute” America.

In denying the appeal of this type of couple that had tried unsuccessfully to marry, a Georgia court wrote that such unions are “not only unnatural, but … always productive of deplorable results,” such as increased effeminate behavior in the population. “They are productive of evil, and evil only, without any corresponding good … (in accordance with) the God of nature.”

A ban on this type of marriage is not discriminatory, reasoned a Republican congressman from Illinois, because it “applies equally to men and women.”

Attorneys for the state of Tennessee argued that such unions should be illegal because they are “distasteful to our people and unfit to produce the human race.” The state Supreme Court agreed, declaring these types of marriages would be “a calamity full of the saddest and gloomiest portent to the generations that are to come after us.”

“The law concerning marriages is to be construed and understood in relation to those persons only to whom that law relates,” thundered a Virginia judge in response to a challenge to that state’s non-recognition of these types of unions. “And not,” he continued, “to a class of persons clearly not within the idea of the legislature when contemplating the subject of marriage.”

A: They were ALL about interracial marriage, but it's hard to tell isn't it?

Why Womean Can't be Bosses

http://uk.askmen.com/money/career_250/278_why-women-cant-be-bosses.html

Thompson has fallen for the classic "Confirmation bias" logical fallacy. He's filtered his observations through his biases, discarding the evidence that refutes his beliefs, while accepting the experiences that supports them.

This is a common mental defect among people who fall for scams like your average "psychic." Because they want to believe, suckers remember all the vague, unspecified "hits" a psychic makes during a reading, but forget the 99% of the conversation that consisted of little more than inaccurate guesses, hemming and hawing.

It's clear Thompson either actively dislikes women, or is trying to convey that image in the article. I'm reminded of the members of the rather sad, pathetic "True Forced Loneliness" movement and their paranoia about WHY women reject them.

An observation

Western medicine tends to absorb and use any "alternative" treatments that are proven to be effective. Aspirin is an early example. It was found that the bark of certain trees contained a compound that eased pain. Bayer went to the trouble of isolating the active compound and mass producing a purified version. Many big pharmaceutical companies have departments that test and evaluate "natural" remedies to determine what the active ingredients are.

Most of the "natural" remedies that lie outside of western medicine fall into the category of folk medicine that refuses to die out, despite there being ample evidence that it's bunk. Others, like St John's Wort, are painfully inconsistent in the dosage of active ingredients. Saint John's Wort contains what many claim is a weak MIO inhibitor. The problem is the dosage of that inhibitor varies wildly not just from one brand to the next, but even from one PILL to the next in the same bottle. People using this "natural" remedy are, as a result, self medicating with a drug whose dosage can't be satisfactorily controlled. This is a recipe for disaster, particularly when dealing with ailments like clinical depression.

Finally, there's the myth that "natural" remedies aren't as "dangerous" as science based medicine. For some inexplicable reason, people tend to think that just because a drug is less refined (and thus has more contaminants) it's magically less dangerous. What's more, people often ignore "natural" remedies when discussing potential drug interactions with their doctors.