Honey, it's not all about you

Last week I was walking on the sidewalk in Harvard Square. My wife called me on the my cell phone and I answered it, saying "Hello Love."

Just as I did this another woman cut me off on the sidewalk then turned and glared at me. She said, in a very disgusted tone "Did you just call me 'Love'?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, held out my phone and pointed at it. I then resumed talking to my wife.

The woman rolled her eyes, said "F**k you" and crossed the street without looking.

The Amazon MP3 Player is garbage

Dear Amazon,

When I tell an application I don't want it to automatically download my purchases, and I ONLY want it to download over Wi-Fi, I do NOT want to find my phone's internal memory has suddenly run out of space because your POS application has decided to download a Handle box set using my 3G data plan.

I'm uninstalling the Amazon MP3 player, posting a negative review that outlines my issues, and logging my complaints on your customer service site.

And the part you'll actually care about? I'm not buying anything from the Amazon MP3 store. Hell, I'm not even going to buy CDs from you unless they are flat out not available at all through other retailers.

Sincerely,

A disgruntled and unsatisfied customer

What does the Global Wildlife center have to say?

There's a new chapter in the saga of Ken Matherne's latest exchanges. He's sent a few letters to techdirt. Ken Matherne Tells Techdirt That Law is Law, Consequences Will Never Be The Same Eager to get more details on this exchange, I contacted the Global Wildlife Center through it's "Contact Us" form. Subject: Ken Matherne correspondence.

I'm writing an article about Ken Matherne's recent correspondence with the Popehat and Techdirt web sites. Since your organization is referenced extensively by all parties involved in the exchange, I wanted to find out if the Global Wildlife Center has an official stance on the exchange. Does Mr. Matherne have legal authority to speak on behalf of GWC on legal matters? Will GWC resources be used to pursue the legal actions alluded to by Mr. Matherne? What is Mr. Matherne's current position with the GWC? Sincerely, Matthew Miller

I'm looking forward to a reply, but I'm not holding my breath.

Ken Matherne may be an angry, censorious person

It looks like someone from the The Global Wildlife Center of Folsom, Louisiana needs to step away from their keyboard for a while.

In Which Popehat is Threatened With Litigation Including Lengthy "Dispositions"
 

Should I Apply for the Job?

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wri/3627657515.html

PROFESSIONAL SCREENWRITER WANTED (Hollywood)

So far, so good.

 

Seeking a professional screenwriter willing to collaborate on a WWII period thriller feature film script with an up and coming foreign director.

A WWII thriller? That sounds kinda fun. I'm a big fan of Old Time Radio and something of a history buff. It's been AGES since I read "rise and Fall of the Third Reich" so it would be grand to have an excuse to re-read it or listen to the audio book.

 

Must be non-WGA or if you are in the WGA, be willing to work for less than the WGA minimum.

Well, that's a bit worrisome. Still, it might be attractive as a second job. I'm not a union member.

 

Qualifications for consideration are as follows:

* Grabs pen and paper to take notes *
 

WRITING EDUCATION
Must have BA/BS from a top 3 University or Liberal Arts College- for example Harvard, Princeton, Yale, or Williams, Swarthmore, Pomona

Close enough. I have a BA in English from Valpariso University, the Yale of the Midwest. (Or the Harvard of the Midwest, depending on who is doing the VU marketing at the moment)

Must also have completed graduate work at one of the nations top screenwriting programs- USC, UCLA, AFI, NYU, COLUMBIA

Since this is a job for below union scale, I'm going to write this off as one of those "nice to have" requirements they can be flexible on.

 

Must have read McKee's "Story," All books in the "Save the Cat" series, Voeglers "Writers Journey" or Campbells "Hero with a Thousand Faces," and preferably at least a dozen other books on screenwriting,

I've read the last two and my college minor was in writing. Really though, a dozen books on screenwriting? One or two good ones will get you where you need to be.

 

also prefer someone who has attended as many screenwriting seminars as possible- for instance the "Story" seminar and the 5 genre scminars McKee offers (Comedy, Horror, Thriller, Masterpiece, Love Story).

Reading between the lines of this ad however has me suspecting the director is looking for someone with too much book learning and not much real world experience. It sounds like they're searching for a fresh faced student too inexperienced to know when they're being exploited.

 

Must have read and analyzed 300+ high quality produced/award winning/or "black listed" scripts

This is another "training level" indicator.  A serious student who dedicates years to their craft may have done this. Between the education level required and the low pay, I suspect the director is deliberately seeking someone with a major "sunk cost" issue, a sap who has dedicated a decade of their life to learning how to be a screenwriter but never gotten a break. Too deep into the dream to turn around, too desperate to hold out for something better.

Must have reverse-outlined at least 50 movies by watching them on screen and listing scenes chronologically

This is another education / training level indicator.

INTELLIGENCE
Must have proof of standardized test scores (SAT/LSAT/GMAT/GRE) in the 95th percentile or higher.
Must have proof of I.Q. in the 130+ range.

Ahhh, the director wants desperate, but not stupid. If this isn't a parody, then I suspect the director is expecting people to lie anyway, and wants the "Well, My IQ is only 120" folks to apply, instead of ones with an IQ of 80.

CREDITS
Must have at least one produced feature credit that has won at least a few superlative awards on the festival circuit (audience award/best film/best screenplay/etc).

For less than union wage?

 

Must also have at least one unproduced feature screenplay that has attracted significant buzz and led to A-list actors attaching themselves to the project.

For less than union wage?!?

If you don't have either of the above, this requirement can substituted with a minimum of 3 produced short film credits.

Ahhh, the old Hitchcock trick. Hitchcock would get what he wanted into his movies by sending over the top scenes to the censors. By the time the censors were done being horrified by what he claimed he wanted, they were more than happy to let in what he really wanted.

EXPERTISE
Must be very analytical, knowledgeable, and generally gifted with structure.
Must be able to write visually with fantastic economy and a distinct voice.
Must have an amazing ear for dialogue and inherent understanding of pacing.
Must have an excellent grasp of grammar/mechanics/usage/style.

That would be me.

(Blogger smiles a toothy grin. His teeth visibly sparkle and an audible "ting" is heard)

TRAINING OUTSIDE OF WRITING
Must have at least a few years of previous dramatic acting experience to better understand subtext and emotional arcs- prefer someone with experience taking on a major role in a serious WWII/Nazi play, for instance Martin Sherman's "Bent" (about homosexual persecution during the holocaust)

I'm going to count my college and high school acting for this.

 

Must have previous theater directing experience in order to be prepared to discuss specific blocking ideas with proficiency as we write the script.

It was back in high school, and the play was censored by the school board.

The script will be written for a single location- so again having experience with a play like "Bent" would let me know you understand how to make blocking interesting in confined locations- since the whole second act takes place in one location with 2 characters moving rocks back and forth across the stage.

 The banned play also took place in a single location. It's a lot of fun playing with a confined space.

 

Also prefer improv/sketch/standup experience to demonstrate you have developed an intuitive understanding of how material will play in front of a live audience.

My experience in this realm is not professional, but amateur.

COLLABORATION EXPERIENCE
Although you should be a highly capable solo wrier- you must have experience writing successfully on other projects with directors or other writers who prefer to mostly talk out their vision and bounce ideas off of you, while you sit in front of the computer to sift, organize, and smooth out the verbal exchanges- while also adding and enhancing their ideas with your own insight, and ultimately be responsible for polishing and proofing the screenplay before we send it out.

Sounds like a lot of  the technical and specification writing I've done.

 

Must be willing be credited as the second writer- potentially out of alphabetical order.

Perfectly reasonable under the circumstances.

Must be able to remain calm in the face of temperamental outbursts and be ok with occasional substance abuse by writing partner.

Again, that sounds like some of the technical and specification writing I've done. Of course, the writing partner must be comfortable with me laughing in his or her face or bellowing out "foam baby foam!" when they work up a good head of steam. I also reserve the right to quote Mark Twain passages about steamboat disasters and, if they get annoying about being high, teetotaler propaganda.

Location: Hollywood

It's the 21st century and I have a Skype account. This is still doable.

Compensation: $30,000 for 4 month contract with possibility to be considered for more projects

I'd have to do this as an evening and weekend gig, so we'll say this is for 20 to 30 hours a week. Assuming a 16 week contract, that comes out to 320 to 480 hours / $93.75 to $62.50 an hour. I can make more than that per hour with a technical writing or ghost writing gig, but this project sounds interesting, and could play well to a number of my existing interests.

Telecommuting is ok.

Excellent. I think the time difference between Boston and LA will work nicely for the co-writer. The evening work for me will translate into late afternoon / early evening work for them. If the writing partner is using mind altering substances, then being able to sleep in will be a benefit to them as well.

• This is a contract job.
• OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

The last few lines are just boilerplate ad material.

All told, the ad does have a lot of over the top "I really want" requirements, but I'm used to that from the IT world. Everyone wants to hire the next Gates, Torvalds or Wozniak for a fraction of their value.  I'm willing to give the director a chance to talk about his or her project before I reject the opening out of hand. Most importantly, I want to make sure the impression that the director is seeking an easily abused footstool is a false one.

The Morning Commute Will be ... Complex

The Morning Commute Will be ... Complex
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Caleb's Unique Fashion Sense

Caleb's Unique Fashion Sense
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Caleb has been playing with a snap together electronics kit

Caleb has been playing with a snap together electronics kit
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

No, no. I only want my rump in the sunny spot

No, no. I only want my rump in the sunny spot
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

They're only 80 lbs each. Bringing them up from the car shouldn't havetired me out that much

They're only 80 lbs each. Bringing them up from the car shouldn't have tired me out that much
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

I don't think we're pouring concrete today

I don't think we're pouring concrete today
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

If I were Crafty

Food for thought,

If I ever took up making stained glass, I'd be sorely tempted to do something like this:

St. Optimus of Prime

Perhaps it's for the best I'm not terribly handcraft inclined.

Sandy, Gays and Snookie

If God is so determined to show his anger about homosexuals, why hasn't San Francisco been completely leveled by an Earthquake? Why has Massachusetts, where gay marriage has been legal for quite some time, gotten off so lightly in terms of storm damage? Why has the state's hub of gay culture, Provincetown been spared all but minor damage? If Sandy is divine judgement for homosexuality, then God has miserable aim to the point of senility. To blame Sandy on gays is, based on the actual damage, to accuse God of being incompetent and incapable of expressing his will. The more I look into the nature of the damage actually done, it really IS more reasonable to conclude God sent Sandy to keep Jersey Shore off the air. Then again, based on the condition of New York City, it might be true that God HATES Donald Trump. Both interpretations are, due to the damage done, more valid than blaming gays.

The cheetah with his haul

The cheetah with his haul
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

The Femitheist

Allow me to introduce you to the single most evil, vile and hate filled monster I've ever spoken to. I do not say this lightly. My Freshman year roommate sincerely advocated raping women who didn't "put out." I am an old friend of the Cornswalled family. I've had coworkers who openly discussed how they wished Hitler had finished the job, and kicked their racism up a notch when they found out I was dating a Jewish woman. I know people who honestly believe Haiti deserved the be devastated for allegedly "selling the country to the Devil" 200 years ago.

All of these people pale in comparison to The Femitheist. I know, she may be a troll, but she presents herself as a deeply damaged woman who is sincere in her beliefs. If she's not acting mad to get attention, then I think it's only a matter of time before she kills someone. I'm not sure which is more horrifying, the scope of what she desires, or the fact that she claims that what she intends isn't REALLY violence or evil, because she thinks it's for the greater good, and because she doesn't consider her intended victims to be fully human.

Krista Heflin, The Femitheist, wants to castrate or murder all men, murder all women who object, and execute everyone who is developmentally disabled. But don't take my word for it, check out how The Femitheist introduces herself to the SGU Forum.

Her current youtube channel:  F.C. Season 1

Her current blog: The New Era of Feminism

This is her second incarnation. I first heard of her a few months back when she had a different blog. Her youtube videos kept getting pulled because she was advocating the murder of a few Billion people. Even Youtube has limits. Before her brief disappearance, she posted a picture of her infant daughter with the word "Bitch" scrawled across the child's forehead. At one point the rumor started that she fatally shot herself.

I exchanged a number of e-mails and PMs with her during her peak. It was surreal to have a civil conversation with someone about how they wanted me dead. Around the time she deleted her old blog, she was claiming to have been physically assaulted and that child services had been called to investigate her. If the rumors circulating about her are to be believed, she was her high school valedictorian, got pregnant in high school and may or may not be pursuing a degree in education. The circumstance of her daughter's conception may shed quite a bit of light on her current misandry. The concept of this woman teaching children of any age for a living is, frankly, terrifying, even if she is a troll.

Here are some choice quotes from the deleted blog

Her old blog is, sadly, not in the Wayback Machine.

how does this guy drive in the winter?

how does this guy drive in the winter?
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Rep. Joe Walsh New Contender for Coveted 'Most Ignorant Republican' Prize

Rep. Joe Walsh: Abortion never necessary to save women's lives

"With modern technology and science, you can't find one instance," Walsh said. "There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing."

I'm sure the research minded folks inclined to read my blog can find ample scientifically backed examples and statistics on maternal mortality to correct him on this tiny error. One of the comments on the article "More Junk Science: GOP Congressman Says Abortion Is Never Necessary To Save A Woman’s Life" provides an excellent starter list. The Wikipedia article on Maternal Death is also an excellent resource.

Rep Walsh even makes it easy to get in touch with him, as behooves a member of Congress. As an upstanding Christian man, I'm sure he'll appreciate respectful correction.

http://walsh.house.gov/contact-joe/

432 Cannon HOB
Washington, DC 20515
Phone: (202) 225-3711
Fax: (202) 225-7830
Hours: Monday-Friday
9:00AM-5:00PM Eastern time

Recently, my son went to school dressed, as best as I can tell, as a Bob the Builder Garden Gnome.

"Polkattack!" - Weird Al Yankovic's polka medleys from 1984-2011

As a long time Weird Al fan, this amuses me.

Dale Nierode is a Shoddy Apologist

They say there's nothing new under the sun, and "Why Evolution is Not True - The Puzzle of Life Finally Comes Together" by Dale Nierode seems determined to do its best to apply that adage to Creationism. Instead of an honest attempt at examining the real data, the book ignores anything that contradicts it's fundamental premise. Even the abstract contains outright misinformation, insisting, for example, that no transitional fossils have been found. This nonsense ignores the well documented evolution of whales, the pre-human transitional fossils and all the others that have been uncovered. One is left wondering if Dale Nierode is deliberately lying, or merely an incompetent, lazy researcher.

The book is an embarrassment to Creationists and Apologetic writing. If I were conspiracy minded, I'd accuse Nierode of being a deep cover humanist out to mock and ridicule Creationism by depicting Biblical literalists as developmentally disabled idiots incapable of cracking open a book.

If you want a well written, thoughtful, insightful, well researched book supporting Creationism, this volume is the exact opposite of what you're seeking. If you want to get a Creationist to seriously consider Evolution as a feasible explanation for the variety of living creatures on Earth, give them this book, as it sets up a chain of shoddy arguments and straw men that are unsportingly easy to knock down. Follow up by giving them a copy of Why Evolution Is True to show them what happens when a competent writer does actual research.