Server vs Server

Years ago I was the head tech at a small company. I was in charge of pretty much all of IT, except the things I talked the owner into hiring additional staff to take over. Legislation like CAN-SPAM and technology like ubiquitous server side spam filtering were off in the distant future, so dealing with SPAM had more of a wild west aspect than it does today.

One day I was looking into the performance issues we were having with the mail server. It was taking staff members ages to download and sort though their email over the assorted dial up connections used at the time. Naturally the bulk of the issues were spam and mailing list related. Server side mail filters that fell within the company owner's budget (free or stolen, not Open Source, that's Communist!) lacked the sophistication to address the problem effectively. I ended up configuring a complex web of routing rules to remove most the detritus. I sent unsubscribe requests to the non-work related mailing lists that seemed vaguely respectable. My goal was to stop as much of the incoming garbage as I could so I had less post-hock deletion and filtering to deal with.

One mailing list in particular was problematic. The content was overtly racist, but avoided the racial slurs that would have been caught by my manually configured rules. It also used a series of different domains to differentiate the content. Jew bashing jokes, for example, came from a different bank of URLs than the ones mocking Asians.  Since this set of related sites were responsible for most the garbage still bogging down the mail server I tracked down the originating site and found a phone number for "Joe." I quickly realized Joe was a one man operation. My request was simple and delivered politely, don't send any more mail to our domain. 

"I only send mail to a domain if someone subscribes and the form gives me permission to send a subscribe offer to anyone else on the domain."

I found this to be perplexing logic and replied, "Whoever is subscribing lacks the authority to give you that kind of permission."

"Not my problem," Joe said," Take it up with them."

"Who was the original subscriber?"

"Privacy laws. Get a warrant if you want to know."

"Then just remove my domain from-"

"Stop right there kid. It would take me WEEKS to scrub your domain from my mailing lists."

"Sounds like your mailing list management software was written by an idiot."

"I wrote it, and I don't need to scrub whole domains. Why does it bug you anyway? Are you one of THEM?"

I thought for a moment and said, "I'll just configure the mail server to send an "unsubscribe" request to anything from one of your domains."

"Good luck finding them all b****h."

I read off a list of domain names and ended with, "Did I miss any?"

There was silence for a few seconds. 

"Still there?" I asked. 

"You fu**ing hacked me."

"Nope. Just a little research. It took about an hour."

Joe hung up. 

I set up a rule to move any e-mail from the flagged domains to a dummy address I set up, then delete the message in the original mailbox. I then wrote a PERL script to check the mailbox, extract the "unsubscribe" address and send an "unsubscribe" request for the address the message was originally sent to.

Since it was now about 5:30 on a Friday I went home for the weekend and left my new system running.

When I got back on Monday the sales guys, some of who came in early to get started on correspondence, complimented me on how quickly they could get their e-mail. A few hours later the company owner, I'll call him "Dan," came in and said "I just got a call from a guy saying you hacked his server."

It took about two hours to sort out what was going on. The racist mailing list sent an email asking for confirmation in response to every unsubscribe request. My script responded to this with another unsubscribe request. This meant a single e-mail generated an endless series of back and fourth messages.

"Unsubscribe"

"You Sure?"

"Unsubscribe"

"You Sure?"

"Unsubscribe"

"You Sure?"

"Unsubscribe"

"You Sure?"

Since the racist mailing list sent us hundreds of individual e-mails a day this resulted in a LOT of e-mail. The large glut of traffic was not noticed at our end because the individual staff members were able to download their largely SPAM free e-mail quickly and easily, with the dial-up bottleneck masking any server side issues. The only connection that was bogged down was the one used by the spare computer I'd set up to send the unsubscribe requests. The mailing list server however was not faring as well. My script didn't rout e-mail through our server, but instead connected directly to the mail server processing the "unsubscribe" requests. I'd done this to reduce the load on our own mail server.

It took another hour to convey all of this to Dan in a way he could understand. He then asked what was so horrible about the mailing lists anyway.

"Well, the messages are huge. Between downloading and having to delete them they waste a lot of staff time. Then there's the content."

Dan was an Irish American. He proudly donated to the IRA to 'Defend Ireland.'" The racist mailing list included four different domains used to send jokes bashing the Irish. A lot of Polish and Scottish jokes were re-purposed for the mailing list. Then there were the images included in the mailing list, many of which depicted Irish men as flaming homosexuals with a keen interest in sheep. Dan was VERY homophobic.

"He's kinder to the Irish than he is to African Americans. This is nothing compared to how he treats the Jews though."

We got Joe on the speakerphone. Joe and Dan spent about ten minutes yelling at each other. Joe accused Dan of being a Jew shill, and Dan accused Joe of racism. Dan conveyed a muddled, but essentially accurate, explanation of what was happening at a technical level and ended with, "So go ahead and call the feds and say we're hacking you, but you and I both know you'd be lying, and the feds will figure that out."

"Stop sending me mail!" Joe screamed.

"You first," I said. "Stop ignoring our unsubscribe requests and this will stop on its own."

I heard furious typing and Joe said, "I'm blacklisting your entire f**ing domain now."

"But you said that would take weeks."

The typing was now punctuated with a string of repeated obscenities and mangled "you mamma" insults. After a few seconds he hung up.

I walked over to the PC running my PERL script. I stopped the script and emptied the dummy account's message backlog. Messages were still coming in, but after about an hour they started tapering off, finally stopping by 2:00 pm.

At 4:30, the Comptroller stormed in and demanded to know why her joke mailing lists weren't coming in anymore.

"You should discuss this with Dan," I told her, "He was part of the decision."

"Oh, I WILL," she said, her voice dripping with venom. She then stormed off in a huff. Normally when the comptroller threatened me, there was a subsequent meeting with Dan, or even an all hands meeting where I had to do things like justify the use of passwords on network logins against accusations of it being a "paranoid" practice. Strangely enough, I never heard of this particular issue again.

Scandalous!

Yesterday I took my five year old son school shopping. One errand had us at Whole Foods. He wanted to ride on my shoulders and I obliged him for a few minutes. He started humming a tune. I asked him what it was and he called out, "Guess!"

I listened for a few moments and said "Barrett's Privateers?"

He replied by singing, very loudly, "I'm a broken man on a hall-e-fax pier! The last of Barrett's privateers!"

A woman walking towards us in the ice cream aisle stopped and stared, her face frozen in horror. She said, "Oh my God." I felt her reaction was a bit over the top.

My son continued, "Fire no shots, shed no tears, last of Barrett's Privateers!" He drew out the last "e" for a few seconds.

We passed the woman who was frozen in horror. I smiled and nodded. She gasped and scurried away. I joined my son in singing the chorus a couple of times.

God damn them all!
I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns-shed no tears
Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier
The last of Barrett's Privateers.

My son puts a surprising amount of emotion into "God damn them all!" for someone who does not yet understand what the phrase means.

As we turned the corner I noticed a man behind us who was glaring at me. He mouthed something he clearly meant me to understand but I didn't parse it. Feeling a bit mischievous I cocked my ear towards him and said "Que?"

He snorted and walked past us, casting me one last disgusted look as he did so.

A few minutes later the impromptu concert ended as we began the negotiations for selecting a new lunch box.

Miley Cyrus

Having seen the Miley Cyrus video, I would like to explain why I found it offensive.

She was dancing like she was drunk. Her "thrusts" were ragged and all over the place. That's fine and dandy for a party at a friend's house, but if you're going to bump and grind on TV, rehearse the act a bit first for crying out loud. The lolling tongue made her look like the image of the badly stuffed lion that surfaces every now and then. It wasn't playful, goofy, sexy or seductive. It was just awkward.

The overall performance made her look like a delinquent 11 year old trying to parody a mentally challenged stripper. Given how Hollywood mucks up the physiological development of child stars, this may be closer to reality than any of us would prefer.

If I were in a position to advise Miley Cyrus, I'd say this, "Honey, PLEASE, do the vamp thing with a bit more commitment. Lil Kim , Madonna and Lady GaGa are good examples. Even though you borrowed Gwen Stefani's hair, I think she may have gone more "sultry" than is appropriate for your new act.

But please, when you go on stage to amp up the sex appeal, have some self respect while doing it. Put some art into the craft. Don't phone in a teenage booty bounce and call it a day.

To Thicke and his song "Blurred Lines," please, no more musical love letters to date rape, OK? Partnering with Cyrus was a wise move on your part, because her dancing distracted people from the rape endorsing nature of your song, but while her act just needs some rehearsal and polish, yours needs to be drug out into the street and shot.

Rotolight Utter Shite

I have no personal experience with Rotolight's products, but their recent behavior has convinced me, and this is just my opinion, that the company is run by feckless fools suffering from terminal cranial-rectal inversion. Popehat covers the details in the article Rotolight Tries To Unring The Censorious Bell. In short, Rotolight filed a fraudulent DMCA complaint, falsely asserting copyright over content that wasn't theirs, in order to silence an obscure negative review of one of their products. By filing a DMCA compliant that asserted copyright they did not have, they committed perjury to illegally silence a critic. They have gone on to compound their error with an evasive non-apoplogy that is little more than a steaming pile of marketing with a side of blame deflection.


The great tragedy of the exchange is that Rotolight turned what could have become a customer service success story into a PR disaster. The rank incompetence of how Rotolight handled this incident is breathtaking. A competitor engaging in industrial sabotage would have been hard pressed to do a better job of destroying their reputation than Rotolight has done themselves.

The key issue is that the flaw being discussed in the negative review was one that Rotolight CLAIMS to have corrected in future versions of the product. They cared enough about the negative review to commit perjury to silence it. Why didn't they care enough to, for example, exchange the older, flawed product for an upgraded one, so the reviewer could repeat the test with the new kit? They could have used the negative review, even engaged with the reviewer, to turn this into a marketing opportunity to highlight advances in their hardware.

Unless, of course, the claim that newer versions of the hardware lack this flaw is another lie. They showed they're willing to lie on a legal document, a DMCA complaint, to commit perjury. Why should their marketing claims be trusted about the flaws allegedly corrected in their products? We know they used legal thuggery to censor one bad review. How many other bad reviews were scuttled by the abuse of the legal system? For all we know half the people who've used the products could consider them utter shite, and we don't know about it because of an active, and abusive, legal strategy by censorship happy scumbags.

This also brings into doubt the positive reviews that can be found online. A company that lies to silence their critics is, in general, not going to be above lying to make their products look better than they really are.

Unless you already have personal experience with Rotolight and like their products, it would be wise to avoid them in the future. There's no way of knowing how good their products really are. Just don't talk about what you think of their hardware. Thanks to Rotolight, your sincerity and objectivity will be in question if you say anything nice about their products.

Rotolight

Cinegear

The 'Too Stupid for my Job' Defense

The Derp is strong with this one. 

East Baton Rouge Sheriff Sid J. Gautreaux has spend two years running an illegal sting operation based on a state law that had been declared unconstitutional in 2003. Now he's claiming he had no idea a law he was trying to enforce was invalid despite the DA refusing to press charges on any of the cases for the entire two years of the sting's run.

It would appear Sheriff Sid J. Gautreaux is too stupid to have his current job.

"Sheriff Sid J. Gautreaux told the newspaper that it didn't matter the Supreme Court ruled anti-sodomy laws unconstitutional a decade ago, it's still on the books in Louisiana, so they were still arresting men for it."

I'd suggest he be demoted to a janitorial role, but frankly, I don't think he's intelligent enough to be trusted with chemicals as dangerous as those used by the average custodial engineer. Has "Dirty Jobs" covered anything that can be done by someone as stupid as Sheriff Sid J. Gautreaux? I can't think of any, but I've only seen a couple seasons of the program. Hard work tends to require competence, a character trait clearly lacking in Sheriff Gautreaux.

I'm going to take Special Needs Sheriff Sid J. Gautreaux at his word on this, and assume he's telling the truth, that his comprehension of the legal system is too shoddy for him to work in law enforcement. The alternative to him being a mind numbingly ignorant embarrassment to the human race, would be that he was intentionally running an illegal sting to harass homosexual men in the area. He claims he's just stupid, and not deliberately abusing his power to harass people who make him "feel funny down there."

Caleb Learns About Homeopathy

The following makes more sense if you know what Homeopathy is. The excellent article Darryl Cunningham Investigates: Homeopathy covers the basics in a succinct, comic book format.

This past weekend I had a conversation with my son about quackery. He's 5 and we were buying him more allergy medication. He wanted the package with the colorful cartoon characters on it. They were homeopathic preparations. I started talking to him about what that meant, and at one point he said, "Oh! Fake medicine, like my cheetah is fake!" He was referring to one of his stuffed animals.

I replied with "Kinda, only no one is trying to trick people into thinking your cheetah is real."

I ended up explaining what the "8x" on one package and the "20c" meant on another, and just how dilute that made the original ingredient. It was easy for him to grasp as one of his science kits has a water dropper which he uses to move around small quantities of things. We ended up miming taking one drop of red food coloring and moving it through 8 levels of dilution. When we got to the end he said "But Daddy, there won't be any red LEFT!"


"I think you understand," I said.

In the end he picked the cherry flavored Benadryl. Unfortunately this has reminded him that he does not like the cherry flavor. We've agreed that when this bottle is empty we'll go back to bubble-gum flavor.

My Son vs the Jerk

A couple weekends ago, my son Caleb and I were in the grocery store, waiting our turn at the deli counter. I had put my five year old son in one of the carts with a built-in infant seat. I'd done this because he was sound asleep, having exhausted himself at a park before our shopping trip. He continued to nap peacefully throughout the wait. I was checking things off the shopping list on my cell phone. While the counter was decently staffed, things were moving slowly because one woman in her 60's was giving one deli employee a VERY hard time, having him slice and re-slice everything multiple items.

Finally it was out turn. While my order was being sliced a woman in her 40's came up to the woman in her 60's.

"How is it you're STILL at the deli counter?" the woman in her 40's asked.

"They're incompetent," the older woman said, "Here's your meat." She tossed a few packages of meat and cheese into the younger woman's cart.

The younger woman picked up the packages, looked at them and said, "This isn't what I wanted. I need-"

"That's what you're getting. Your taste is crap. This is better."

The younger woman lowered her head and said nothing. It was pretty clear from her body language that she was used to deferring to the older woman. they looked alike enough that I suspected they were mother and daughter.

By this point, my salami and pastrami were done. I tried to leave the deli counter, but the two women and their carts were blocking me in. I politely said, "Excuse me," as I tried to maneuver between them.

The older woman shot me and angry look and nearly screamed, "WHAT is your rush? IT," she poked my son hard in the chest, "is still asleep."

Before I could respond Caleb looked sleepily up at the woman and said, "If you're mean, you won't have any friends." He then closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

The older woman was apoplectic. She raised her arm as if to hit Caleb. I thrust out my arm, shielding my son and growled at her, "If you touch my son again I'm having you arrested for assault." I showed her my cell phone, on which I had already dialed "9-1-1." I had not yet hit the "Call" button.

She glared at me for a moment, her arm jerking as if she were fighting the urge to hit me. She then lowered her arm and, still shooting me a look fit to kill, backed up her cart to make way for us to leave. As she did so I noticed the younger woman was beaming with delight, but she turned away the moment the older woman looked at her.

As we left I heard the older woman muttering, insulting my manhood for "threatening to arrest an old lady." I found myself wondering if she'd have thought better of my manhood if I'd responded to her the way she'd tried to respond to my son.

Rainbows are Gay Now

A recent online exchange reminded me of a former coworker from a job long ago. She was in her 60's. She was the single most anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic person I'd met since college. She ran an "investment" newsletter for some of her equally atrocious friends. One day she asked me for a clipart CD so she could "pretty up" the newsletter. She was, of course, doing this on company time. She ended up sending out a newsletter full of rainbows and unicorns. A few hours later she started getting angry calls from her friends about the "faggy" newsletter. She confronted me and accused me of sabotaging her by not warning her that "rainbows were gay now." (Did I mention she was paranoid too?)

"Rainbows have been a gay pride symbol for ages."

"Since WHEN?"

"Since you were in high school."

"How was I supposed to know?"

"Watching the news?"

She laughed and said, "I'd rather be drinking."

I considered that statement a nice summary of her life, personality and understanding of the world around her.

After that she declared me the "f*g sh** expert" for knowing that rainbows were used as a gay pride symbol. On the rare occasions when a news story involving homosexuals came to her attention, she would go around the office telling people to ask me about it as I "probably knew the degenerates involved."

I sometimes forget just how many truly horrible people I've worked with over the last 20 years.

This is why punching parking officers is a bad idea

Last week I saw something that amused me.

An officer in Harvard Square was writing a parking ticket for a badly parked SUV. A man ran up and started screaming at the officer. The officer calmly looked up and went to put the ticket on the SUV. The man took a swing at the officer. The officer dodged it easily, and the man punched the side of his own SUV. The man crumpled to the ground, clutching his hand and yelling some more.

The officer calmly walked around the prone man, put the ticket on the car and walked away as if nothing noteworthy had happened. If I'd had a camera and taken  a picture I'd be torn on if the better caption was "Like a Boss" or "I Ain't Even Mad."

Who is REALLY Behind One Million Moms?

I normally try to debunk conspiracy theories, but I'm starting to think "One Million Moms" is in fact an advertising organization created to promote TV and movies that rely upon "shocking" plot lines stolen from the circular file of the average soap opera.

Anyone else remember the "The Book of Daniel" TV show? No? There's a reason for that. It was poorly written and poorly acted. It was crap. OMM PROLONGED it's existence by creating artificial interest in a crappy TV show with their protest.

Since OMM is attacking "The Mistresses" then my bet is "The Mistresses" is crap and the artificial controversy created by OMM will be the main reason it manages to air for a full season.

That Can't be Good for the Paint job

This Monday morning was annoying. I was running late, my son was arguing with me, and I realized I needed to hit an ATM to pay for parking. I decided my best bet was to use an ATM in the city center before taking my son to school. I parked near a church and started crossing a couple of streets, my son riding on my shoulders. The intersections in the city center are a bit messy, but perfectly safe if you wait for the lights. People tend to pay more attention because of the heavy pedestrian traffic due to the nearby high school.

During my short walk I saw an African-American woman crossing a different branch off the central rotary a few yards away. She had the right of way, and was obeying the traffic signals. I was noticing her hair, a intricate web of braids piled high. Despite the altitude of the hairdo, it meshed perfectly with the smart business suit she was wearing. I'd turned away and resumed my walk to the ATM when I heard the screech of tires and a blaring horn. I looked back and saw a cream colored BMW stopped inches from the woman. The driver had apparently tried to run the light despite their being pedestrians in the crosswalk. He leaned out his open window, threw a lit cigarette in her direction and screamed "What the F**k are you doing ni**er?"

Her response was to stop in the street, blocking the driver's progress. She turned and looked him in the eyes. She then silently pointed to the very well marked crosswalk she was in, and then to the "walk" signal she was clearly obeying. She stood there for a moment and then finished crossing the street. The BMW driver proceeded to run the red light.

My son and I reached the ATM, got some cash for parking and went back to our car. While driving I saw the exact same woman on the far side of the four lane street, starting to cross. She had one of those massive fruity beverage Starbucks sells during the Summer. As I slowed and stopped to let her cross in front of me I reflected on the fact that the drink looked as big as her upper arm, and I wondered how she'd manage to drink it all.

I glanced in my rear view mirror and noticed there was no one behind me. The woman made eye contact with me as she reached the median and I waved her on. She smiled and started jogging across. She was almost over the line into my lane when I heard an engine roar and saw a blur of motion to my left. A black BMW was pulling around me at high speed. He peeled towards the woman and she had to run to avoid being hit. She threw her sugar bomb beverage into the air and it landed on the BMW's windshield. The BMW screeched to a halt and I could see the wipers starting to smear the beverage.

The woman didn't stop running until she was across the street. She looked back, threw up her hands in a "I'm done with this" gesture and moved on, shaking her head, laughing and looking back at the BMW that was still stopped and covered with the beverage. As I inched past I noticed the BMW's driver was on the cell phone, yelling, and flipping the bird at his nearly opaque windshield. I noticed that a lot of the drink was on his roof as well, and I reflected that it was quite a shame he wasn't driving a convertible with the top down.

GTA: Vice City dies on Samsung Galaxy S2 (SGH-T989)

I recently bought Grand Theft Auto:Vice City for Android and installed it on my Samsung Galaxy S2 (SGH-T989) running Samsung's release of Android 4.1.2.

The game hangs as soon as I try to drive a vehicle. It will resume after a few seconds, but the end result is two to three seconds of drive time between 30 and 50 second freezes. Adjusting the video options fails to change this behavior. Rock Star has a thread about this bug on their support site that admits this is a known problem with several phones, including the T989. Frankly, I consider it false advertising to claim the Galaxy S2 is supported when it clearly is not.

You GO Girl!

The other day I was walking through Harvard Square. It was lovely. The sun was out, it was warm, Spring was here. The woman ahead of me was a Rubenesque beauty with dark, curly, hair, a short skirt and, inexplicably, cheap flip-flop sandals. I was thoroughly enjoying the view, but was distracted by how obviously uncomfortable she was in the flip-flops and how they contrasted sharply with the rest of an otherwise elegant ensemble. I began to overhear snippets of her conversation.  I realized as she spoke that she was in the process of being dumped over the phone. She was on the verge of tears.

"I know I'm fat," she said, in a tone I suspect she meant to be confident, but came across as pleading and apologetic.

"Yes you are!" said a man who, like me, had happened to be nearby. "And you are fucking FABULOUS!" He spoke with a flamboyance that would have made Nathan Lane's character from "The Birdcage" suggest he tone it down. "And Honey," he said, leaning towards her conspiratorially, "You have the legs for heels, you should wear them." He then flounced off with an exaggerated swish that convinced me he was deliberately hamming it up.

The woman watched for a moment as the man left, still holding her phone. She then looked down and seemed momentarily surprised at what she was holding in her hand. She raised the phone to her mouth and said, in a firm, commanding tone devoid of all doubt, pretense or apology, "Fuck. You." She smiled, hung up the phone, straightened her shoulders and marched down the stairs to the "T". I stopped for a moment to watch her go. I wanted to tell her that the man had been right, but I couldn't think of a way to say so that didn't sound like I was hitting on her. The visible confidence in her stride however, informed me that she didn't need the oracle's words reaffirmed. She knew he was right.

Dear Box.com

Dear Box.com,

When your Mac Sync software ONLY supports 64 bit Macs, then kindly SAY SO on the download page. Claiming to support Mac OS 10.6 and above is disingenuous at best when you ONLY support 10.6 and above on 64 bit Intel Macs.

Furthermore, making me go though multiple replies with your support staff to reveal this information to me is profoundly stupid, when it is a known issue that has been discussed by your customers on your support forums. I'm glad I researched the issue myself so I could bypass some of the back and fourth your support staff was trying to make me go through.

You know this is a limitation, you made a decision to not support 32 bit Macs and yet you make it obtuse and annoying to get this information. Every OTHER vendor whose software I've used specifically states when it only runs on 64 bit architectures, BEFORE you download it and try to install it. I can't run the latest version of Handbrake on my Mac, but their site tells me as much so I know not to bother downloading it.

Sincerely,

A future Dropbox.com customer.

Walking to school wore Caleb out this morning

Walking to school wore Caleb out this morning
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Alwaysinfashion.com threatens to sue an unsatisfied customer

Alwaysinfashion.com is one of many retailers selling trinkets online. If a recent e-mail exchange is representative however, Alwaysinfashion.com may be using legal threats to keep bad reviews from being posted. Needing to use legal threats to keep people from saying bad things about your company suggests some serious issues with the quality of both the merchandize and the customer service.

I see a few takeaway lessons from the above article.

1. If you order from Alwaysinfashion.com's California operation, you have to pay to ship the merchandise to Italy to get a refund.

2. Telling Alwaysinfashion.com you intend to blog about this return policy has, at least for one customer, resulted in threats of legal action.

3. Alwaysinfashion.com appears willing to contact your employer about reviews of bead necklaces. Seriously, read the article.

Mrs. Rapunzel You can be sure that We will leave reviews and post on social networks about your blackmail and threatens and We surely inform about this matter all the companies You work for in Oklahoma

I don't know about you, but I'd think twice about doing business with a company that would call your boss if you said you didn't like their product or service.

fried breadfruit chips with salt and pepper

fried breadfruit chips with salt and pepper
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Honey, it's not all about you

Last week I was walking on the sidewalk in Harvard Square. My wife called me on the my cell phone and I answered it, saying "Hello Love."

Just as I did this another woman cut me off on the sidewalk then turned and glared at me. She said, in a very disgusted tone "Did you just call me 'Love'?"

I raised an eyebrow at her, held out my phone and pointed at it. I then resumed talking to my wife.

The woman rolled her eyes, said "F**k you" and crossed the street without looking.

The Amazon MP3 Player is garbage

Dear Amazon,

When I tell an application I don't want it to automatically download my purchases, and I ONLY want it to download over Wi-Fi, I do NOT want to find my phone's internal memory has suddenly run out of space because your POS application has decided to download a Handle box set using my 3G data plan.

I'm uninstalling the Amazon MP3 player, posting a negative review that outlines my issues, and logging my complaints on your customer service site.

And the part you'll actually care about? I'm not buying anything from the Amazon MP3 store. Hell, I'm not even going to buy CDs from you unless they are flat out not available at all through other retailers.

Sincerely,

A disgruntled and unsatisfied customer

What does the Global Wildlife center have to say?

There's a new chapter in the saga of Ken Matherne's latest exchanges. He's sent a few letters to techdirt. Ken Matherne Tells Techdirt That Law is Law, Consequences Will Never Be The Same Eager to get more details on this exchange, I contacted the Global Wildlife Center through it's "Contact Us" form. Subject: Ken Matherne correspondence.

I'm writing an article about Ken Matherne's recent correspondence with the Popehat and Techdirt web sites. Since your organization is referenced extensively by all parties involved in the exchange, I wanted to find out if the Global Wildlife Center has an official stance on the exchange. Does Mr. Matherne have legal authority to speak on behalf of GWC on legal matters? Will GWC resources be used to pursue the legal actions alluded to by Mr. Matherne? What is Mr. Matherne's current position with the GWC? Sincerely, Matthew Miller

I'm looking forward to a reply, but I'm not holding my breath.

Ken Matherne may be an angry, censorious person

It looks like someone from the The Global Wildlife Center of Folsom, Louisiana needs to step away from their keyboard for a while.

In Which Popehat is Threatened With Litigation Including Lengthy "Dispositions"
 

Should I Apply for the Job?

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/wri/3627657515.html

PROFESSIONAL SCREENWRITER WANTED (Hollywood)

So far, so good.

 

Seeking a professional screenwriter willing to collaborate on a WWII period thriller feature film script with an up and coming foreign director.

A WWII thriller? That sounds kinda fun. I'm a big fan of Old Time Radio and something of a history buff. It's been AGES since I read "rise and Fall of the Third Reich" so it would be grand to have an excuse to re-read it or listen to the audio book.

 

Must be non-WGA or if you are in the WGA, be willing to work for less than the WGA minimum.

Well, that's a bit worrisome. Still, it might be attractive as a second job. I'm not a union member.

 

Qualifications for consideration are as follows:

* Grabs pen and paper to take notes *
 

WRITING EDUCATION
Must have BA/BS from a top 3 University or Liberal Arts College- for example Harvard, Princeton, Yale, or Williams, Swarthmore, Pomona

Close enough. I have a BA in English from Valpariso University, the Yale of the Midwest. (Or the Harvard of the Midwest, depending on who is doing the VU marketing at the moment)

Must also have completed graduate work at one of the nations top screenwriting programs- USC, UCLA, AFI, NYU, COLUMBIA

Since this is a job for below union scale, I'm going to write this off as one of those "nice to have" requirements they can be flexible on.

 

Must have read McKee's "Story," All books in the "Save the Cat" series, Voeglers "Writers Journey" or Campbells "Hero with a Thousand Faces," and preferably at least a dozen other books on screenwriting,

I've read the last two and my college minor was in writing. Really though, a dozen books on screenwriting? One or two good ones will get you where you need to be.

 

also prefer someone who has attended as many screenwriting seminars as possible- for instance the "Story" seminar and the 5 genre scminars McKee offers (Comedy, Horror, Thriller, Masterpiece, Love Story).

Reading between the lines of this ad however has me suspecting the director is looking for someone with too much book learning and not much real world experience. It sounds like they're searching for a fresh faced student too inexperienced to know when they're being exploited.

 

Must have read and analyzed 300+ high quality produced/award winning/or "black listed" scripts

This is another "training level" indicator.  A serious student who dedicates years to their craft may have done this. Between the education level required and the low pay, I suspect the director is deliberately seeking someone with a major "sunk cost" issue, a sap who has dedicated a decade of their life to learning how to be a screenwriter but never gotten a break. Too deep into the dream to turn around, too desperate to hold out for something better.

Must have reverse-outlined at least 50 movies by watching them on screen and listing scenes chronologically

This is another education / training level indicator.

INTELLIGENCE
Must have proof of standardized test scores (SAT/LSAT/GMAT/GRE) in the 95th percentile or higher.
Must have proof of I.Q. in the 130+ range.

Ahhh, the director wants desperate, but not stupid. If this isn't a parody, then I suspect the director is expecting people to lie anyway, and wants the "Well, My IQ is only 120" folks to apply, instead of ones with an IQ of 80.

CREDITS
Must have at least one produced feature credit that has won at least a few superlative awards on the festival circuit (audience award/best film/best screenplay/etc).

For less than union wage?

 

Must also have at least one unproduced feature screenplay that has attracted significant buzz and led to A-list actors attaching themselves to the project.

For less than union wage?!?

If you don't have either of the above, this requirement can substituted with a minimum of 3 produced short film credits.

Ahhh, the old Hitchcock trick. Hitchcock would get what he wanted into his movies by sending over the top scenes to the censors. By the time the censors were done being horrified by what he claimed he wanted, they were more than happy to let in what he really wanted.

EXPERTISE
Must be very analytical, knowledgeable, and generally gifted with structure.
Must be able to write visually with fantastic economy and a distinct voice.
Must have an amazing ear for dialogue and inherent understanding of pacing.
Must have an excellent grasp of grammar/mechanics/usage/style.

That would be me.

(Blogger smiles a toothy grin. His teeth visibly sparkle and an audible "ting" is heard)

TRAINING OUTSIDE OF WRITING
Must have at least a few years of previous dramatic acting experience to better understand subtext and emotional arcs- prefer someone with experience taking on a major role in a serious WWII/Nazi play, for instance Martin Sherman's "Bent" (about homosexual persecution during the holocaust)

I'm going to count my college and high school acting for this.

 

Must have previous theater directing experience in order to be prepared to discuss specific blocking ideas with proficiency as we write the script.

It was back in high school, and the play was censored by the school board.

The script will be written for a single location- so again having experience with a play like "Bent" would let me know you understand how to make blocking interesting in confined locations- since the whole second act takes place in one location with 2 characters moving rocks back and forth across the stage.

 The banned play also took place in a single location. It's a lot of fun playing with a confined space.

 

Also prefer improv/sketch/standup experience to demonstrate you have developed an intuitive understanding of how material will play in front of a live audience.

My experience in this realm is not professional, but amateur.

COLLABORATION EXPERIENCE
Although you should be a highly capable solo wrier- you must have experience writing successfully on other projects with directors or other writers who prefer to mostly talk out their vision and bounce ideas off of you, while you sit in front of the computer to sift, organize, and smooth out the verbal exchanges- while also adding and enhancing their ideas with your own insight, and ultimately be responsible for polishing and proofing the screenplay before we send it out.

Sounds like a lot of  the technical and specification writing I've done.

 

Must be willing be credited as the second writer- potentially out of alphabetical order.

Perfectly reasonable under the circumstances.

Must be able to remain calm in the face of temperamental outbursts and be ok with occasional substance abuse by writing partner.

Again, that sounds like some of the technical and specification writing I've done. Of course, the writing partner must be comfortable with me laughing in his or her face or bellowing out "foam baby foam!" when they work up a good head of steam. I also reserve the right to quote Mark Twain passages about steamboat disasters and, if they get annoying about being high, teetotaler propaganda.

Location: Hollywood

It's the 21st century and I have a Skype account. This is still doable.

Compensation: $30,000 for 4 month contract with possibility to be considered for more projects

I'd have to do this as an evening and weekend gig, so we'll say this is for 20 to 30 hours a week. Assuming a 16 week contract, that comes out to 320 to 480 hours / $93.75 to $62.50 an hour. I can make more than that per hour with a technical writing or ghost writing gig, but this project sounds interesting, and could play well to a number of my existing interests.

Telecommuting is ok.

Excellent. I think the time difference between Boston and LA will work nicely for the co-writer. The evening work for me will translate into late afternoon / early evening work for them. If the writing partner is using mind altering substances, then being able to sleep in will be a benefit to them as well.

• This is a contract job.
• OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
• OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
• Phone calls about this job are ok.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

The last few lines are just boilerplate ad material.

All told, the ad does have a lot of over the top "I really want" requirements, but I'm used to that from the IT world. Everyone wants to hire the next Gates, Torvalds or Wozniak for a fraction of their value.  I'm willing to give the director a chance to talk about his or her project before I reject the opening out of hand. Most importantly, I want to make sure the impression that the director is seeking an easily abused footstool is a false one.

The Morning Commute Will be ... Complex

The Morning Commute Will be ... Complex
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Caleb's Unique Fashion Sense

Caleb's Unique Fashion Sense
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Caleb has been playing with a snap together electronics kit

Caleb has been playing with a snap together electronics kit
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

No, no. I only want my rump in the sunny spot

No, no. I only want my rump in the sunny spot
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

They're only 80 lbs each. Bringing them up from the car shouldn't havetired me out that much

They're only 80 lbs each. Bringing them up from the car shouldn't have tired me out that much
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

I don't think we're pouring concrete today

I don't think we're pouring concrete today
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

If I were Crafty

Food for thought,

If I ever took up making stained glass, I'd be sorely tempted to do something like this:

St. Optimus of Prime

Perhaps it's for the best I'm not terribly handcraft inclined.

Sandy, Gays and Snookie

If God is so determined to show his anger about homosexuals, why hasn't San Francisco been completely leveled by an Earthquake? Why has Massachusetts, where gay marriage has been legal for quite some time, gotten off so lightly in terms of storm damage? Why has the state's hub of gay culture, Provincetown been spared all but minor damage? If Sandy is divine judgement for homosexuality, then God has miserable aim to the point of senility. To blame Sandy on gays is, based on the actual damage, to accuse God of being incompetent and incapable of expressing his will. The more I look into the nature of the damage actually done, it really IS more reasonable to conclude God sent Sandy to keep Jersey Shore off the air. Then again, based on the condition of New York City, it might be true that God HATES Donald Trump. Both interpretations are, due to the damage done, more valid than blaming gays.

The cheetah with his haul

The cheetah with his haul
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

The Femitheist

Allow me to introduce you to the single most evil, vile and hate filled monster I've ever spoken to. I do not say this lightly. My Freshman year roommate sincerely advocated raping women who didn't "put out." I am an old friend of the Cornswalled family. I've had coworkers who openly discussed how they wished Hitler had finished the job, and kicked their racism up a notch when they found out I was dating a Jewish woman. I know people who honestly believe Haiti deserved the be devastated for allegedly "selling the country to the Devil" 200 years ago.

All of these people pale in comparison to The Femitheist. I know, she may be a troll, but she presents herself as a deeply damaged woman who is sincere in her beliefs. If she's not acting mad to get attention, then I think it's only a matter of time before she kills someone. I'm not sure which is more horrifying, the scope of what she desires, or the fact that she claims that what she intends isn't REALLY violence or evil, because she thinks it's for the greater good, and because she doesn't consider her intended victims to be fully human.

Krista Heflin, The Femitheist, wants to castrate or murder all men, murder all women who object, and execute everyone who is developmentally disabled. But don't take my word for it, check out how The Femitheist introduces herself to the SGU Forum.

Her current youtube channel:  F.C. Season 1

Her current blog: The New Era of Feminism

This is her second incarnation. I first heard of her a few months back when she had a different blog. Her youtube videos kept getting pulled because she was advocating the murder of a few Billion people. Even Youtube has limits. Before her brief disappearance, she posted a picture of her infant daughter with the word "Bitch" scrawled across the child's forehead. At one point the rumor started that she fatally shot herself.

I exchanged a number of e-mails and PMs with her during her peak. It was surreal to have a civil conversation with someone about how they wanted me dead. Around the time she deleted her old blog, she was claiming to have been physically assaulted and that child services had been called to investigate her. If the rumors circulating about her are to be believed, she was her high school valedictorian, got pregnant in high school and may or may not be pursuing a degree in education. The circumstance of her daughter's conception may shed quite a bit of light on her current misandry. The concept of this woman teaching children of any age for a living is, frankly, terrifying, even if she is a troll.

Here are some choice quotes from the deleted blog

Her old blog is, sadly, not in the Wayback Machine.

how does this guy drive in the winter?

how does this guy drive in the winter?
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Rep. Joe Walsh New Contender for Coveted 'Most Ignorant Republican' Prize

Rep. Joe Walsh: Abortion never necessary to save women's lives

"With modern technology and science, you can't find one instance," Walsh said. "There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing."

I'm sure the research minded folks inclined to read my blog can find ample scientifically backed examples and statistics on maternal mortality to correct him on this tiny error. One of the comments on the article "More Junk Science: GOP Congressman Says Abortion Is Never Necessary To Save A Woman’s Life" provides an excellent starter list. The Wikipedia article on Maternal Death is also an excellent resource.

Rep Walsh even makes it easy to get in touch with him, as behooves a member of Congress. As an upstanding Christian man, I'm sure he'll appreciate respectful correction.

http://walsh.house.gov/contact-joe/

432 Cannon HOB
Washington, DC 20515
Phone: (202) 225-3711
Fax: (202) 225-7830
Hours: Monday-Friday
9:00AM-5:00PM Eastern time

Recently, my son went to school dressed, as best as I can tell, as a Bob the Builder Garden Gnome.

"Polkattack!" - Weird Al Yankovic's polka medleys from 1984-2011

As a long time Weird Al fan, this amuses me.

Dale Nierode is a Shoddy Apologist

They say there's nothing new under the sun, and "Why Evolution is Not True - The Puzzle of Life Finally Comes Together" by Dale Nierode seems determined to do its best to apply that adage to Creationism. Instead of an honest attempt at examining the real data, the book ignores anything that contradicts it's fundamental premise. Even the abstract contains outright misinformation, insisting, for example, that no transitional fossils have been found. This nonsense ignores the well documented evolution of whales, the pre-human transitional fossils and all the others that have been uncovered. One is left wondering if Dale Nierode is deliberately lying, or merely an incompetent, lazy researcher.

The book is an embarrassment to Creationists and Apologetic writing. If I were conspiracy minded, I'd accuse Nierode of being a deep cover humanist out to mock and ridicule Creationism by depicting Biblical literalists as developmentally disabled idiots incapable of cracking open a book.

If you want a well written, thoughtful, insightful, well researched book supporting Creationism, this volume is the exact opposite of what you're seeking. If you want to get a Creationist to seriously consider Evolution as a feasible explanation for the variety of living creatures on Earth, give them this book, as it sets up a chain of shoddy arguments and straw men that are unsportingly easy to knock down. Follow up by giving them a copy of Why Evolution Is True to show them what happens when a competent writer does actual research.

home grown hops

home grown hops
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

My wife and son harvested some of my hops. Sadly I noticed aphids all over them this morning. There's also some mold on the leaves. I laid them out on a screen before taking Caleb to school this morning. Hopefully they'll dry out and the aphids will leave.

Caleb's pony is a helicopter pilot

Caleb's pony is a helicopter pilot
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

kitchen sink omlet for breakfast

kitchen sink omlet for breakfast
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

The finished beef jerky

The finished beef jerky
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

The thing that amazed me most about the process was how incredibly easy it was. Buy some thin sliced beef, marinate it overnight, put it on skewers and dry it in the over for a few hours.

I started with an Oven Beef Jerky recipe I found online. I made a few adjustments. I added a bit of smoked paprika to the marinade. I was out of Worcestershire sauce so I substituted six tablespoons of rice wine vinegar. I figured an acid would be a better substitute than more soy sauce.

The end result was too spicy, as I'd dredged the jerky slices in cracked black pepper before drying them, and I used too much pepper. This was not a major issue, as all I had to do was rub off some of the excess pepper to dial the spice level back down. Next time I'll still add some cracked black pepper, but I'll use far less, more of a spotting than a full dredge.

The bag currently sits in the fridge, offering a quick and easy bite for hungry people. I do not expect it to last much longer. Next, I need to look into what's involved in making it shelf stable enough to ship to a friend overseas, if it isn't already.

Caleb's Concert

Caleb's Concert
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Making Beef Jerky

Making Beef Jerky
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

breakfast face

breakfast face
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

something is sneaking up on Caleb

something is sneaking up on Caleb
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Listed specifications for Dinner Dash are a bald faced lie

I have an older iPod Touch running iOS 3.1.3. The listed specifications for "Dinner Dash" CLAIM Dinner Dash runs on 3.1 or later. If you download and run the game it tells you it needs a newer version of iOS to run the app. Apparently the listed specifications refer to an older version of the game. As a result I could download it on my iPod, but could't play it. I'm glad I was only lied to by the free version. You can guarantee I'll never buy anything from PlayFirst Inc. I'm annoyed that a free game lies about the supported devices. I'd be really ticked off it I'd paid money for something that didn't actually run because it lied about the supported platforms.

John Rocker Calls for the Nanny State to Protect his Feelings

WND blogger John Rocker has a rather totalitarian view of "Freedom of Speech."

"Technically, as our Founding Fathers intended, we are all given the undeniable right to voice our thoughts and opinions freely without fear of scorn and/or ridicule derived from non-agreement. I supposedly have the same right to express myself as you do. In a perfect world, my rights should be no different from yours. I’m quite certain that given the current stage of the world’s social climate, however, anyone ascribing to the ridiculous notion that our world is perfect is kidding himself. Our “perfect” world was replaced many moons ago by the defective reality in which we are all forced to reside – and one of the most blatant areas to view the erosion of perfection is seen in the lack of ability many in this great country have to speak freely without fear of chastisement."

Emphasis mine.

Think about this for a second. John Rocker believes that he should have the right to say whatever he wants and be protected from ridicule by the law of the land. He wants his critics to have no freedom of speech of their own, yet he wants the freedom to criticize others. Not only that, but he apparently thinks that this is the way things used to be.

If the first amendment guaranteed protection from ridicule, as Rocker claims, then it would be the OPPOSITE of freedom of speech. It would be censorship, the banning of opposing views altogether. Under Rocker's ignorant, uniformed, fantasy land version of the first amendment, Rush Limbaugh would be jailed for criticizing Obama. I would be jailed for criticizing Rocker. Pat Robertson would be jailed for attacking Planned Parenthood. The cast of Saturday Night Live would be jailed for shredding Sarah Palin.

Is that really the kind of world Rocker  wants to live in, a place where the people in power can legally silence anyone they think is ridiculing them? That's a Communist ideal bucko, and this happens to be America.

I recommend checking out the excellent Popehat take on John Rocker's profound ignorance.

Let's Snuggle!

2012 Olympics run by thin-skinned children

Boing-boing reports that the London Olympic committee says you're only allowed to link to their site if you have nice things to say. Sure enough, it's true. The Linking Policy on their Terms of Use page puts a comical set of limitations on linking to them.

"a. Links to the Site. You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner." 

The Boing-Boing article proceeds to link to www.london2012.com with a variety of derogatory terms. If you follow any of the links, you don't get the London 2012 web site, but a few horizontal bars and the word "advertisement".

That's right folks, it looks like the London 2012 committee is such a thin skied collection of useless cowards, that they block people from following links to their site that hurt their poor little feelings.What a bunch of manky gits.

Baiting a Racist on the MBTA

This happened a week or three ago, but I never got around to writing it down.

I was riding the train to work in the morning. It was crowded, with people packed close. Among the fresh surge of new commuters cramming on at Wollaston was a man with a very expensive suit. His hair was slicked back with so much grease he could have wrung it out to lube a car. He also had what may have been the single worst spray-on tan in history. The man was so orange cast members of Jersey Shore would tell him to lay off the fake tans. Willy Wonka would mistake him for one of his employees, and then comment "Wait, no, that's a traffic cone." Orange Man also had a tablet, which was proudly displaying a white supremacist web site.

At first I thought nothing of it. People read strange things on the "T" and he might have been a lawyer doing research on a civil rights case for all I knew.

Then I noticed the death-glare he was giving an African-American woman a couple feet away, facing the other direction. The look on his face reminded me of a quote from Babylon 5, where one alien commented that another species hated his so much that their hate could form a white hot-ball and incinerate his home world. That's the look Orange Man was giving the African-American woman, a death glare that could set a planet ablaze.

I wasn't the only one who noticed it. A brunette woman somewhere in her early 30's looked him over. She whipped out her smartphone and positioned herself so he could see the screen. She was smirking as she looked at whatever it was she was reading. Soon Orange Man noticed too, and he glared at her phone, slowly turning an inhuman purple under the orange. It wasn't a shade I ever thought I'd see on a human face. He looked like some sort of monstrous alien that had died and succumbed decay. I wondered if his head was about to explode.

He stormed out at the next stop, pushing his way past several people. As he jostled past the woman with the smart phone I got a glimpse of what had been on her screen. It was a blond woman with pale skin, her mouth stretched wide around a dark, tube-shaped object. I wanted to laugh, to give her a high-five, but the African-American woman who had been the subject of the death-glare was oblivious to what had happened, and I decided it was best to let the matter drop.

I noticed Orange Man standing on the platform as we left. I wondered if he was lost, or just waiting for the next train.

I've repeated this account to a few friends, and one of them asked me if it was possible the woman with the smartphone had been looking at pictures of herself. I doubt it, in part because of the hair color change, but I can't be sure. Besides, it was only a glimpse, and a good portion of the blond's face was obscured by what was in her mouth.

Thank you Jenny Lawson

I was having a really crappy morning. My son was cranky, I was running late, the MBTA CLOSED the parking garage I normally use and the next nearest one was inaccessible. I had to go home, drop off the car and restart my commute using the bus for the portion I often drive. By the time I found myself on the train I was looking at being a good two hours late to work. Then I read about a pet sloth and a child finding a kangaroo in her living room. And suddenly all was well with the world.

grilling coffee on the fourth of july

grilling coffee on the fourth of july
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Bleach Enemas to Treat Autism

Jim Humble and his MMS nutjobs are at it again.

The Awful Inhumanity of Using Bleach Enemas to Treat Autistic Children

Quote

You read that correctly. Bleach enemas to cure autism. The protocols the members of this trio recommend for the MMS treatment are just… traumatizing even to read. One calls for a "treatment" every two hours for 72 hours, "every possible weekend." Humble writes of overcoming the "nausea barrier" to up the dosage. Evidently, a "therapy" that induces nausea and vomiting and fever and diarrhea is a "good" thing. And if you make up a "baby bottle" of it, that makes it seem even more innocuous—or insidious, depending on your perspective.

Any child who is subjected to this abusive and torturous treatment would find it more than insidious. Orac quotes a parent who writes about her non-speaking autistic teen that the boy can't tell her how he feels as she doses him with the bleach solution. He vomits and has diarrhea "all day"; she writes that he generally has a "sensitive" gut. Another mother set up a blog to describe trying MMS on both her autistic son and herself, a sufferer of rheumatoid arthritis. It's heartbreaking but also enraging to read her posts as they reveal more than she seems to see: Her son develops a sudden extreme fear of the bathtub, and she can't seem to understand why, even though six days earlier, she wrote that they were about to try an "MMS bath" (i.e., a bleach solution bath) on him. Then suddenly, the blog ends with, "I cannot continue this blog. Sorry."

The full article can be found here: Dangerous Interventions: MMS and Autism

You can read a primer on MMS here: Bleaching away what ails you

Here is a petition asking the FDA to ban bleach enemas for autistic children.

This article has some information on a clinic that actually does this: You Can’t Bleach Autism Out of a Child

Open Letter to the moron who banned Five Wives Vodka

An petty, small minded control freak has banned the sale of Five wives Vodka in the state of Idaho. Reports vary as to the reason. Some claim it's because the label might offend Mormons. Howard Wasserstein, The Juice Bag who banned it, has since claimed that the use of women from a risque vaudeville act were the reason for the ban. This raises questions about his familiarity with the use of sex in liquor sales. Does he do his job with his head in a bucket, or is it merely so far up his rear he can taste his own Brylcreem? The Utah distillery has hired a lawyer to challenge the prudish ban. This is the offending label:

This was my letter to the blithering idiot who banned the Vodka.

to: howard.wasserstein@liquor.idaho.gov
date: Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 1:42 PM
subject: Five Wives Vodka


Mr. Wasserstein,

I want to thank you for banning Five Wives Vodka in Idaho. Were you not such a petty, small minded, control freak, I'd have never heard of it. I had to do some digging but I found some and gave it a try. Your claim that it's not good enough to sit on the shelf beside Absolute is complete rubbish, showing you are not only a prude but incompetent when it comes do discerning the relative quality of different vodkas.

I am particularly amused by your claim that the label would be offensive to the majority of the population because the source of the image on the label is an obscure Vaudeville act. How many people would have recognized the label in the first place, in order to BE offended?

You are a first class ass, but your rank incompetence and terror of the opposite sex have introduced me to a very fine Vodka. For that, I thank you.

Matthew Miller

Caleb in the observation bubble

Caleb in the observation bubble
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Black Salve

You'd think with all these miracle cures resulting from black salve someone would have published case studies in a peer reviewed journal. "Big pharma is suppressing the evidence" is the cry of quacks who want to avoid having to provide scientific evidence of their claims. If you really believe it works, get the ball rolling on FDA approval. Start with having a few doctors publish case studies. That's cheap, easy and gets the attention of the people who fund independent pilot studies.

Mississippi lawmaker: Coat hanger abortions might come back. 'But hey, you have to have moral values'

Mississippi lawmaker: Coat hanger abortions might come back. 'But hey, you have to have moral values' at least for certain, twisted and bizarre versions of "morals." Mississippi State Representative Bubba Carpenter makes sense if you look at things from his point of view. The women resorting to coat hanger abortions as a result of these laws will be mostly poor minorities, scarcely human in his eyes. Even when it's a white woman dying from a botched abortion, it doesn't matter, because in his eyes, they're murderesses anyway. Dying as a result of a botched abortion is God punishing them for murdering a child. In this politician's eyes, the rape victim bleeding out in a motel room because she, in desperation, turned to a med-school drop-out for help, is getting exactly what she deserves. So what if the kid was the result of rape? It was probably her fault anyway, right? It's amazing how much conservative "logic" makes sense when you assume the man speaking is a closeted homosexual who has sublimated his lust for other men into a boiling, cancerous, vile, vindictive hatred of women.

Cornerstonepayday.com Revisited

Back in September of 2011, I wrote an article entitled Payday Loan Scam Site cornerstonepayday.com. In that post I took a look at the "security" behind the spam advertized site cornerstonepayday.com. I decided to revisit the site after a spam comment was posted to my blog post.

There were many issues with cornerstonepayday.com:

1. Annoying popups trying to prevent you from leaving the site.
2. Rip-off fee structure.
3. No security or encryption protecting your name, address, social security number and bank details.
4. Spam based marketing strategy
5. The stolen SSL certificate being used ion the site
6. The hard coded submission from making it impossible to submit your data securely even if you wanted to.
7. False claims on the site of using encryption to protect your data.

The site has made two major changes since the original article. The annoying popups trying to prevent you from leaving are gone and their fee structure is no longer as readily accessible. That's it. The major security problems remain.

cornerstonepayday.com's facebook page links to needcashpaydaynow.com, which has a slightly different design, but still has NO encryption, despite having the logos of several security vendors on the site. This site is a bit worse, as you get an error message when you try to load the site using HTTPS instead of HTTP. It doesn't even have a stolen security certificate for you to use in submitting your social security number.

needcashpaydaynow.com has links to a few other sites:

• holidaypayday.com
• speedypayday.ca
• eloanadvance.co.uk

These sties at least load over SSL, which is small comfort given the company they keep.

To be blunt, you'd have to be a complete idiot to trust any of these sites with your information. They're probably con artists looking to steal your identity. Even if they aren't con artists, they're incompetent when it comes to rudimentary data security. You'll probably have your identity stolen if you give them your information.

not many people eat lasagna with chopsticks

not many people eat lasagna with chopsticks
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

daddy daddy can I climb the sculpture?

daddy daddy can I climb the sculpture?
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

I spy with my little eye...

I spy with my little eye...
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

second breakfast of blueberries

second breakfast of blueberries
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Reaction to Santorum aborting his Presidental campaign

Santorum Term
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Chilling with his Bambi, waiting for school to start

Chilling with his Bambi, waiting for school to start
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Chilling with his Bambi, waiting for school to start

He just felt like yelling for the fun of it

He just felt like yelling for the fun of it
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

He just felt like yelling for the fun of it

Karl Giberson, Deception in the name of Chirst

As a Christian, I find it deeply offensive when people lie about atheists and agnostics. Flat out lying about the nature of non-theism does nothing but help believers shore up a false pride and undeserved smugness. Condescending garbage like that spewed by Giberson only serves to alienate the very people he pretends to be ministering to. Giberson's gibbering serves only to harm the body of Christ.

On a side note, I live in Quincy, MA, and have been looking at the local churches. I want to thank Giberson for making it clear I don't have to waste my time on St. Chrysostom's Church. I have no interest in a church that will deliberately lie to me about what others believe in order to encourage the less educated members to circle the wagons. My wife is Jewish, and if St. Chrysostom's Church is as liberal in it's definition of "facts" as Giberson then I really don't want to spend my Sunday mornings being told that the blood libel is real and I married a Christ Killer.

I recommend checking out the excellent article "Uncle Karl says atheists are ignorant of religion" for a breakdown of some of the nonsense and absurdity Giberson spews as if it were based in reality.

Inspired by George Takei, Send Stacey Campfield some hay

Inspired by George Takei's "Fireside Chat" video, it's time for a "mail this item" campaign for these jokers. They might get the hint if they each receive a few thousand identical packages / letters in the mail.

Let's start with mailing hay to Senator Stacey Campfield.

http://www.capitol.tn.gov/senate/members/s7.html

District address:
2011 Flagler
Knoxville, TN 37912

Nashville Address:
301 6th Avenue North
Suite 4 Legislative Plaza
Nashville, TN 37243

Phone (615) 741-1766

sen.stacey.campfield@capitol.tn.gov

In the package / envelope include a piece of paper with the URL for Takei's video http://vimeo.com/38068014 and some hay. If you can't find any hay, include a picture of hay, a scarecrow or a straw man.

Racist Jackasses vs a Dead Woman

Chief U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull is in a spot of trouble for circulating a racist joke that accused a married woman of engaging in drunken bestiality because she happened to be married to a black man.

The subject line of the email, which Cebull sent from his official courthouse email address on Feb. 20 at 3:42 p.m., reads: "A MOM'S MEMORY."

The forwarded text reads as follow:

"Normally I don't send or forward a lot of these, but even by my standards, it was a bit touching. I want all of my friends to feel what I felt when I read this. Hope it touches your heart like it did mine.

"A little boy said to his mother; 'Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?'" the email joke reads. "His mother replied, 'Don't even go there Barack! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!'"

I decided to check out OpenBook to hunt up anyone passing around the same joke, not to report on it as the news outlets are doing, but because they apparently think it's funny. I searched for the phrase "From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!'"

I was pleasantly surprised that I only got a handful of hits.

The last one illustrated the fact that minority groups have their share of racists who don't think much of .mixed race children.

Former HRN foster bunny Holly lounges during romp time

Former HRN foster bunny Holly lounges during romp time
Originally uploaded by flakingnapstich

Former HRN foster bunny Holly lounges during romp time at her forever home.